Reaching the end of the broken road... good-bye old wineskins!

“And no one puts new wine into old wineskins. For the old skins would burst from the pressure, spilling the wine and ruining the skins. New wine is stored in new wineskins so that both are preserved.” ~ Matthew 9:17

The only thing I like about New Years Eve is a chance to socialize. I'm not terribly sure I understand the point of celebrating the end of a year and the ushering in of a new year. Perhaps this is because I have an eternal view of life and more of a focus on the things that will last forever. I just don't find excitement in the turning of the calendar year except to mark anniversaries of the people and experiences the Lord has placed in my life.

However, this year is a little bit different. I realized just two days before the end of 2009 that the beginning of the new year also brought with it the begining of a fresh decade. A decade which hasn't been touched by painful experiences the past decade of my life entailed.

"But now, O Jacob, listen to the Lord who created you. O Israel, the one who formed you says, “Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine. When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior..." Isaiah 43:1-3

The 2000 decade was undeniably one of the most difficult and yet most rewarding periods of my life.

From 2000-2005 God sought to teach me FULL reliance on Him. He stripped everything from me. My children and I were abandoned by many of the people that made up our world - most notably my (then) husband. It was during these years that God led me from a broken little girl to a victorious woman. He taught me how to love Him passionately and zealously. He became more than the cornerstone of my life, but the very solid ground that foundation was laid upon.

The breaking period was terribly painful. All hope seemed lost. I was literally Peter walking on the waves - having to keep my eyes on Jesus. Sometimes I took my eyes off of the Lord and let the waves overwhelm me. This often came in the form of fallible well meaning people making judgments based on the very small part of the picture they were seeing. Other times it came from the (then) father of my children refusing to fulfill the role God gave him for their lives and the consequential hurt in their hearts reflected in the pain in their eyes. There were even times when I made the waves myself by leaning on my own understandings.

But slowly, brick by brick He began to build a whole new foundation. Piece by piece the walls of this new dwelling place went up. Each one carefully crafted by the One who made me. Shamefully there were times when I behaved foolishly putting a crack in them, but He was patient and repaired the cracks.

"And you will be given a new name by the Lord’s own mouth. The Lord will hold you in his hand for all to see— a splendid crown in the hand of God." Isaiah 62:2b,3a

2005 until today has been such a bitter sweet time. These have been some of the hardest years of my life, but they have also been the best years.

I got the new name that He promised me. I was no longer "The forsaken city". However, during these years I have had to do a lot more learning. You see, I had to learn what to do with these precious blessings the Lord has given me. I had to learn how to be a good steward of what I have been given, and those lessons are far from done.

After laying the foundation and building the supporting walls, God handed the reigns over to me. It was my job to create the rooms, making them functional but also comfortable. He has given me guidelines but no set instructions. He has given me His heart for my family but that often my flesh - my (very) strong will gets in the way.

There have been times in these past 5 years when my will has been so strong and unbendable that I forgot to exhibit grace and mercy. It escalated to the point where I forgot how and at one point even lost the desire to do so. I plunged into a pit of depression caused not by circumstances of my situation but my stubborn unforgiving heart. I was rightfully offended and justified in my frustration. However I sinned grievously by reacting with a hardened heart.

“But forget all that— it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland." Isaiah 43:18,19

2010 is a new decade. It's a fresh start. It is the first decade where I can say my marriage has been exclusive - it's just my Super Hubbie, me, and God living together, working together, and building this family that we have chosen. It is a decade unmarred by broken relationships, the adjustments of blending a family, infertility, or death.

It's a new chance for me to allow God to chip away at more areas of pride in my life and soften my often angry heart. It's the first decade I will face with the strength and maturity of an adult.

2010 is a brand new wineskin. It has never held anyone else's wine. Just ours. It is unaffected by outside sin. There will be struggles and sometimes I'll wish I could run away. But my constant will still be the same - "redeeming love has been my theme, and shall be till I die"!

I've had many tears and sorrows,
I've had questions for tomorrow,
There's been times I didn't know right from wrong.
But in every situation,
God gave me blessed consolation,
That my trials come to only make me strong.


Through it all,
Through it all,
I've learned to trust in Jesus,
I've learned to trust in God.

Through it all,
through it all,
I've learned to depend upon His Word.


I've been to lots of places,
I've seen a lot of faces,
There's been times I felt so all alone.
But in my lonely hours,
Yes, those precious lonely hours,
Jesus lets me know that I was His own

Through it all,
Through it all,
I've learned to trust in Jesus,
I've learned to trust in God.

Through it all,
through it all,
I've learned to depend upon His Word.


I thank God for the mountains,
And I thank Him for the valleys,
I thank Him for the storms He brought me through.
For if I'd never had a problem,
I wouldn't know God could solve them,
I'd never know what faith in God could do.
(~Andrea Crouch)