Step out of your comfort zone...

What is the deal with people who create drama and confusion in their own lives and relationships? At what point do you stop allowing your world, most notably interpersonal relationships, to stop being driven by your insecurities and allow the Holy Spirit to take the wheel? This is something that truly confounds me.

I was a special needs child. I was born with no hip sockets, severe allergies, asthma and eczema. In addition to this I struggled with a learning disability. This combined with my mothers influence, founded by her inaccurate perception of the world due to a her own horrible childhood, made for a very uncertain and insecure little girl who did not know how to interact with other children. Because of my severe skin issues and my family being very poor I dressed differently than the other children. We did not have money for the cute name brand clothes the other girls wore and it was necessary to hide my raw oozing skin, for when the other children saw it they would not play with me for fear of catching it and were exceedingly cruel.

My asthma and hip/joint issues inhibited me from the athletic activities the other children enjoyed and my allergies left me feeling drained and irritable. This added to my inability connect to my peers - I simply could not keep up with them.

Academically I struggled. It was a banner day if I managed to achieve a grade above a D and being in Christian school meant that my teachers had no concept of ADD and had no idea how to help me, or any concept that I needed help and wasn't just being lazy. To add to that I had some horrible teachers who's treatment of me bordered on abuse (looking back it was far fewer teachers than it felt at the time). My teachers would rebuke me in front of my classmates rather than encourage me, accentuating the chasm that already lay between us.

There were some serious issues going on at home that bled into the way I interacted with others at church and school as well.

When I gave my life to Christ in the middle of my 6th grade year I was able to face my social and academic struggles with a little less despair but it wouldn't be until well into my adult years that I began to realize that my perceptions of the way others perceive me are often inaccurate.

You see, inside this 30 something woman is a little girl with ghostly pale skin and thin brown hair who has weepy eyes, a constantly runny nose, and sores all over her body. The odd little girl nobody wants to play with because she dresses funny, and acts weird.

However, that is not where my identity comes from. That girl has died and been raised into new life with Christ. He is where her worth and meaning come from. He has extended much grace to me and while I still tend to be overly critical and judgmental of other's failings I also long to offer mercy and grace.

It seems I am surrounded by other women who allow themselves to continue to be crippled by the sufferings of this fallen world. They build a wall around themselves and defend themselves by attacking anyone who comes too close for their comfort. They begin pushing people away without ever trying to get to know them. They make unfair and inaccurate judgments about people they barely know and only allow those into their inner circle who will not challenge them.

These are Christian women I am referring to. People who claim to know and love God yet are hateful and divisive, using their own self righteousness as a shield.

God has called us to take down our walls. He has called us to live in FULL surrender to Him. That means we reach out to and love people because they are His creation, not because they deserve it. That verse that says we are to "make allowances for each other's faults" (Ephesians 4:2) applies to ALL Christians in ALL circumstances. If we can't love them then we must ask God to love them through us. We must be willing to face rejection and persecution for His name sake. The people and tasks He calls us to will not always be popular, but He brings these thorns into our lives to better us and to bring glory to Himself.

It's not about me. Or you. It's not about being comfortable. It's all about Him.

Lord, give me a tender heart. Soften me so I am reachable and can reach those around me. Teach me to love the unlovely. Help me to walk with my head held high and remove every trace of fear of man from my life. Your perfect love casts out all fear - help me to live that with all of my might!