Somethings only another parent can "get"...

Only another parent can conceptualize the effect that a parents neglect and subsequent abandonment has on a child. Only another parent can understand the need to place boundaries of protection between that child and the offending parent. Only another parent can understand how incredibly wrong it is to have a child or children when you have had other children which you have neglected, abused and abandoned. How dare you tell me how I should handle him in regards to my children when you have no idea where we've been or what he's done to us.

Knowing someone for years and years does not mean that you KNOW them. Don't sit there and tell me you know him better than me because you've known him longer. When you've been the object of his abuse and control, when you've stood by for years watching him lie, cheat, steal, and use yourself and others to get his way, then you can come tell me about having "differences".

He may have contributed his DNA but he is NOT their father. That is a choice that HE made, not me. And frankly I am so thankful he made that choice. Despite the hurt they've felt it is the best thing that ever happened to them. And again; unless you know what he has put them through, held them through their tears and listened to them try to rationalize and excuse his inexcusable behavior don't even think about telling me otherwise.

And of course I am offended that he started another family. Yes, I did too, but I did not walk out on my children and then REPLACE them. No one has to worry that I will neglect and abandon my children. His having a replacement child is a stress that my children didn't need. My daughters greatest fear over the past several years is that he would have more children and "do to them what he did to us".

How DARE you sit their and pontificate the "facts" to me when you haven't seen or spoken to me in over 10 years, when you have never met my children, and you have no idea what that man has done to me, my children, or other people in our lives over the past decade plus.

SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It goes a little something like this...

Life in the gray area... raising a child with an invisible disability...

I am a very "black and white", "right and wrong" kind of person. In my world things are either right or their not. As a Christian I find little room for gray area in my world. Not to say I don't sometimes do what is wrong, I'm just being honest and saying that sometimes I choose to do the wrong thing anyway. There are of course times when I don't realize the sinfulness of my actions.



This is part of the difficulty of raising children with ADHD. That line is still there, but it is much harder to see. Sometimes we can't see it at all.



You can only discipline/punish a child for those behaviors they have control over. The problem with a child with ADHD is that there are certain behaviors over which they do NOT have control. This lack of control is inmeshed with a sin nature.



Some behaviors are easy to discipline - lying, stealing, acts of agression towards siblings.



Others are not so easy to address. Disobedience is not always willful with the ADHD child. But sometimes it IS, and that is where parenting becomes very very difficult.



A child with ADHD often has no clue what it is that he should be doing. He moves to comply, but never quite makes it. Or in some cases slips into his own universe as soon as he turns away from you, immediately forgetting everything you just said to him.



Most of the time the child with more severe ADHD finds life unbearably overwhelming, and even completing the simplest objective becomes a mountainous obstacle for him. He spends his entire day being directed, redirected, and redirected again. He never accomplishes anything, always falls short of his enormous potential, and never has time to just be a kid. This child's life is full of discouragement, there is too much going on in his head and he has not yet learned to tune that out and focus on the objective in front of him. For a child with true ADHD (and not simply a bad case of negligent parenting) medication will help, but it is not a cureall.



In Elijah's case we have found it to curb his hyperactivity, but does little to nothing to help him focus. Without the medication he is totally nonfunctional - he can not do ANYTHING independantly: feeding, eating, and remembering to use the toilet are all things that elude him without and adults constant reminder that he must do these things. Pile home and school responsibilities, and normal extracurricular on top of him and he very quickly becomes depressed and gives up completely. As the child loses his ability to cope, his negative behaviors increase. He responds before he has a chance to process the experience; either erupting in a volcano of anger or crumbling into a heap of tears and sobs.



We will be homeschooling next year, but we still have 6 weeks to go of this school year. His teachers are being so awesome, supportive, and helpful. But unfortunately nothing will change the fact that there is too much responsibility on his shoulders this year. He has too many people he is answering too, he's being pulled in too many directions.

I think I speak for our entire family when I say we will be sooo relieved when this school year is OVER!!!

Thankful Thursday... late again!

Life with 2 seperate school schedules, 4 different Little League schedules, AND a busy toddler means I don't get to sit here long enough to put my thoughts out. Infact, I just had to barricade Sarah into the living room with the couch! Here goes anyway...

10. Spring. Glorious beautiful sunshiny lush green spring!
9. Watching my kids enjoy baseball and softball.
8. Sarah's emerging vocabulary. I've lost track of how many words she has. She can mimic almost everything we say. She trys to count, and.... drum roll please... we've started potty training! No successes yet, but she loves her panties and she loves sitting on the potty. She knows and is aware of what she needs to know, now she just needs to put it all together.
7. Support from Elijah's teachers and principals in some issues we are having with him.
6. Support from our Pastor with those same issues.
5. House hunting. With all the doubts and frustrations that come wiht it.
4. Good health insurance.
3. Music!!!!!!!!!!!
2. My precious husband... counting down the days to our wedding anniversary!
1. Grace, mercy, and second chances.