What is the deal with people who create drama and confusion in their own lives and relationships? At what point do you stop allowing your world, most notably interpersonal relationships, to stop being driven by your insecurities and allow the Holy Spirit to take the wheel? This is something that truly confounds me.
I was a special needs child. I was born with no hip sockets, severe allergies, asthma and eczema. In addition to this I struggled with a learning disability. This combined with my mothers influence, founded by her inaccurate perception of the world due to a her own horrible childhood, made for a very uncertain and insecure little girl who did not know how to interact with other children. Because of my severe skin issues and my family being very poor I dressed differently than the other children. We did not have money for the cute name brand clothes the other girls wore and it was necessary to hide my raw oozing skin, for when the other children saw it they would not play with me for fear of catching it and were exceedingly cruel.
My asthma and hip/joint issues inhibited me from the athletic activities the other children enjoyed and my allergies left me feeling drained and irritable. This added to my inability connect to my peers - I simply could not keep up with them.
Academically I struggled. It was a banner day if I managed to achieve a grade above a D and being in Christian school meant that my teachers had no concept of ADD and had no idea how to help me, or any concept that I needed help and wasn't just being lazy. To add to that I had some horrible teachers who's treatment of me bordered on abuse (looking back it was far fewer teachers than it felt at the time). My teachers would rebuke me in front of my classmates rather than encourage me, accentuating the chasm that already lay between us.
There were some serious issues going on at home that bled into the way I interacted with others at church and school as well.
When I gave my life to Christ in the middle of my 6th grade year I was able to face my social and academic struggles with a little less despair but it wouldn't be until well into my adult years that I began to realize that my perceptions of the way others perceive me are often inaccurate.
You see, inside this 30 something woman is a little girl with ghostly pale skin and thin brown hair who has weepy eyes, a constantly runny nose, and sores all over her body. The odd little girl nobody wants to play with because she dresses funny, and acts weird.
However, that is not where my identity comes from. That girl has died and been raised into new life with Christ. He is where her worth and meaning come from. He has extended much grace to me and while I still tend to be overly critical and judgmental of other's failings I also long to offer mercy and grace.
It seems I am surrounded by other women who allow themselves to continue to be crippled by the sufferings of this fallen world. They build a wall around themselves and defend themselves by attacking anyone who comes too close for their comfort. They begin pushing people away without ever trying to get to know them. They make unfair and inaccurate judgments about people they barely know and only allow those into their inner circle who will not challenge them.
These are Christian women I am referring to. People who claim to know and love God yet are hateful and divisive, using their own self righteousness as a shield.
God has called us to take down our walls. He has called us to live in FULL surrender to Him. That means we reach out to and love people because they are His creation, not because they deserve it. That verse that says we are to "make allowances for each other's faults" (Ephesians 4:2) applies to ALL Christians in ALL circumstances. If we can't love them then we must ask God to love them through us. We must be willing to face rejection and persecution for His name sake. The people and tasks He calls us to will not always be popular, but He brings these thorns into our lives to better us and to bring glory to Himself.
It's not about me. Or you. It's not about being comfortable. It's all about Him.
Lord, give me a tender heart. Soften me so I am reachable and can reach those around me. Teach me to love the unlovely. Help me to walk with my head held high and remove every trace of fear of man from my life. Your perfect love casts out all fear - help me to live that with all of my might!
About Me
- mothergoose518
- Somewhat Crunchy, Old Fashioned, Fundamental Bible Believing Christian.
Full time stay at home mom to many.
(Two by choice, Six by birth, Eight in Heaven)
Infertility, miscarriage, and stillbirth survivor.
College student. Relaxed homeschooler. Molder of hearts and minds. Cheerer of ball games.
Lover of books. Stringer of words. Wanna be photographer.
Passionate lover and helper of my Super Hubbie!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
Between a rock and a hard place...
On Monday evening my cell phone rang and it was a number from Northern Virginia I didn't recognize. I don't answer calls from numbers I don't know so I let it go to voice mail. Only they didn't leave a message, but called back. Again I ignored it (while doing a reverse telephone number search online to determine if it was a land line or cell phone to see if I could figure out who was calling me) again allowing it to go to voice mail.
This time the caller left a message. It was Joshua and Luke's (half - same biological mother, different dads - but we don't do "halves" or "steps", believing that ALL sibling relationships have equal value and importance) little sister who is just shy of 12 years old. She sounded so sad and unsure of what to say and said she was calling to wish Josh and Luke a Merry Christmas. I pulled out an old letter from bio mom and sure enough it was the little girl's personal cell phone number. We are wondering if she found the number and snuck and called it on her own or if someone (her mother) put her up to it. Likely it was the later.
As parents this sent our emotions into a tizzy. Our heart goes out to this little girl - while we don't know exactly what goes on in that home we have a good idea and we know it to not be a healthy environment for a child to grow up in. Her life lacks stability and she is being raised with a very shaky foundation. Not to mention she has spent her entire childhood seperated from her siblings. She has two big brothers who are powerless to protect her as big brothers do and she has absolutely no concept of what a sibling relationship is all about. At no point in her life has she ever spent more than a couple of hours at a time in the same room as them (unless you count bio mom abducting Josh and Luke when they were 3 and 2 and running off with them and their sister who was an infant, but she was caught in less than a month and it was 2 years before the siblings were reunited and even then visits have always been sketchy and irregular.
Our initial knee-jerk reaction was to wonder if we could find some way for their sister to have contact with Joshua and Luke. We have practically begged and pleaded with the grandmother to work with us to facilitate a relationship between them even if bio mom is unwilling to be part of the boy's lives. We are stonewalled at every turn and because this is someone else's minor child. There is nothing we can do. And it breaks our hearts.
We have offered visits to the grandmother (Bio mom stopped doing her visits 3 years ago. Again.) for herself and the sister. We created email accounts for the boys so that they could easily contact them. Nothing.
My heart aches for this little girl. I wish there was some way that we could reach her, but sadly at the age she is now the damage is already done. What will be will be... we just have to wait for them to come of age so they can have a relationship separate from their mother. My mother heart worries that that will never happen. There will always be room here for her if she wants to be a part of us, but with the lies she is being told that may never happen. But I know that God is bigger than this situation. I pray a hedge of protection around her. I pray that He will guard her jealously for Himself and that she will come to know Him personally. I pray that her heart will find Him, the truth, and a close loving relationship with her big brothers.
This time the caller left a message. It was Joshua and Luke's (half - same biological mother, different dads - but we don't do "halves" or "steps", believing that ALL sibling relationships have equal value and importance) little sister who is just shy of 12 years old. She sounded so sad and unsure of what to say and said she was calling to wish Josh and Luke a Merry Christmas. I pulled out an old letter from bio mom and sure enough it was the little girl's personal cell phone number. We are wondering if she found the number and snuck and called it on her own or if someone (her mother) put her up to it. Likely it was the later.
As parents this sent our emotions into a tizzy. Our heart goes out to this little girl - while we don't know exactly what goes on in that home we have a good idea and we know it to not be a healthy environment for a child to grow up in. Her life lacks stability and she is being raised with a very shaky foundation. Not to mention she has spent her entire childhood seperated from her siblings. She has two big brothers who are powerless to protect her as big brothers do and she has absolutely no concept of what a sibling relationship is all about. At no point in her life has she ever spent more than a couple of hours at a time in the same room as them (unless you count bio mom abducting Josh and Luke when they were 3 and 2 and running off with them and their sister who was an infant, but she was caught in less than a month and it was 2 years before the siblings were reunited and even then visits have always been sketchy and irregular.
Our initial knee-jerk reaction was to wonder if we could find some way for their sister to have contact with Joshua and Luke. We have practically begged and pleaded with the grandmother to work with us to facilitate a relationship between them even if bio mom is unwilling to be part of the boy's lives. We are stonewalled at every turn and because this is someone else's minor child. There is nothing we can do. And it breaks our hearts.
We have offered visits to the grandmother (Bio mom stopped doing her visits 3 years ago. Again.) for herself and the sister. We created email accounts for the boys so that they could easily contact them. Nothing.
My heart aches for this little girl. I wish there was some way that we could reach her, but sadly at the age she is now the damage is already done. What will be will be... we just have to wait for them to come of age so they can have a relationship separate from their mother. My mother heart worries that that will never happen. There will always be room here for her if she wants to be a part of us, but with the lies she is being told that may never happen. But I know that God is bigger than this situation. I pray a hedge of protection around her. I pray that He will guard her jealously for Himself and that she will come to know Him personally. I pray that her heart will find Him, the truth, and a close loving relationship with her big brothers.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
There is a way which seems right to a man...
I am always amazed at how defensive professing Christian parents get over the subjects of Santa Claus, Halloween, and the Easter Bunny. And it is never the parents who choose not to incorporate these icons of the world into their homes and families who become defensive. No, the defense comes as a justification of their choices.
In my view, plain and simple, it is idolatry. Each is something that purposefully takes focus away from God, robs Him of the glory due His Name and projects it else where. Such seemingly innocent tools with such a powerful objective. So cunning that were we not watchful and mindful, wise as serpents and innocent as doves, we would miss it and fall straight into the trap.
I have to wonder, if they truly believe that these choices they have made - purely because it makes them feel good and not out of an effort to glorify and please God - are the right ones, why do they need so much defense? If you truly believe what you are doing is right and good why must you argue that point like a jack hammer into the ground, mocking and demeaning the other persons choice while you do it.
"There is a path before each person that seems right, but it ends in death." Proverbs 14:12
I can hear the angry choruses now. "Doing Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, or Halloween isn't going to cause my family to die."
Hmmm... maybe not directly. But isn't that exactly what satan convinced Eve about a simple piece of fruit?
"Dear friends, I warn you as “temporary residents and foreigners” to keep away from worldly desires that wage war against your very souls... For you are free, yet you are God’s slaves, so don’t use your freedom as an excuse to do evil." 1 Peter 2:11, 16
Why? Why oh why are we trying so hard to look like the world, be like the world, fit into the world???!!! We are supposed to be different. Set apart. How can they see Jesus in us if we look and act just like them? (This is not to say I do not have my own faults and failings in the "looking and acting like the world" department - trust me, I live under conviction!)
Dare to be different! Dare to give up things that are fun but don't have any real benefit in your life. Soli deo gloria - to God ALONE be the glory!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There is a path before each person that seems right...
In my view, plain and simple, it is idolatry. Each is something that purposefully takes focus away from God, robs Him of the glory due His Name and projects it else where. Such seemingly innocent tools with such a powerful objective. So cunning that were we not watchful and mindful, wise as serpents and innocent as doves, we would miss it and fall straight into the trap.
""Everything is permissible"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible"—but not everything is constructive. Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others... So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." 1 Corinthians 10:23,24, 31
I have to wonder, if they truly believe that these choices they have made - purely because it makes them feel good and not out of an effort to glorify and please God - are the right ones, why do they need so much defense? If you truly believe what you are doing is right and good why must you argue that point like a jack hammer into the ground, mocking and demeaning the other persons choice while you do it.
"There is a path before each person that seems right, but it ends in death." Proverbs 14:12
I can hear the angry choruses now. "Doing Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, or Halloween isn't going to cause my family to die."
Hmmm... maybe not directly. But isn't that exactly what satan convinced Eve about a simple piece of fruit?
"Dear friends, I warn you as “temporary residents and foreigners” to keep away from worldly desires that wage war against your very souls... For you are free, yet you are God’s slaves, so don’t use your freedom as an excuse to do evil." 1 Peter 2:11, 16
Why? Why oh why are we trying so hard to look like the world, be like the world, fit into the world???!!! We are supposed to be different. Set apart. How can they see Jesus in us if we look and act just like them? (This is not to say I do not have my own faults and failings in the "looking and acting like the world" department - trust me, I live under conviction!)
Dare to be different! Dare to give up things that are fun but don't have any real benefit in your life. Soli deo gloria - to God ALONE be the glory!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There is a path before each person that seems right...
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Where there is no vision, the people perish...
One of my Facebook friends posted an article tonight that I found very disagreeable. The basic gist was that our children should not be expected to leave home at the age of 18. The article made the claim that it was a new thing to expect this.
I really disagree. I mean really really.
Adolescence is something new that our western culture has created. It wasn't that long ago that people were on their own and starting their own families at that age - very successfully. A hundred years ago an unmarried girl was considered a spinster at 20! Imagine that!!!
Instead of teaching our children independence and giving them wings to soar on we have coddled and enabled them making them far to dependent on us for far too long.
Does this mean that we should push them to go before they are ready? No. But we should be giving them the tools to be ready. This is nearly impossible to do when we are farming our children out to be raised in herds starting in preschool up until they graduate from high school.
All the life lessons and skills we are supposed to be teaching them can not possibly be taught when they are away from us all day and the result is that we have children who are not ready to leave our nests when they should be. This is the beauty of homeschooling! Being a SAHM is not enough. It is good, but if you do not have stay at home children then the mother's job is being hindered. When the children and mother are home together EVERYTHING becomes a learning opportunity. Life becomes a classroom. Spirituality, morality, personal responsibility, work ethic, etc. all get rolled together into a constant kaleidescope of lessons being taught by those with a personal vested interest in the outcome.
At the age of 18 a child should be READY to leave home. They may stay for a myriad of reasons but if they do they should be contributing to the family and responsible for themselves - working hard, going to school, and paying their own bills and if not a full time student even paying rent. And only for a time. But they should be ready.
If our child is not ready to leave home when they are finished with high school we have only ourselves to blame. If we are doing our jobs right parenting only gets harder as our children approach adulthood and independence. Making a strong work ethic and personal responsibility a part of who they are does not come naturally. It takes a lot of hard work on the part of their parents - particularly the mother who is supposed to be in the home investing that time. It is draining. There is little to no reward. Everyone else seems to be working against the goal you are pursuing just as hard as you are working towards it.
There are many days when I feel like I am wasting my time. That my time would be better spent in the work force. That I am going nowhere fast. That I am failing my children and that they in turn are failing me. But those are feelings. They are not based in truth. Truth is that scripture clearly states that I am to be right here doing what I am doing. My job is not over until they are able to function in the world on their own. I must not allow anything to deviate me from my course. Because in the end their failures are my failures. Their choices are their own, but if they don't know what is expected of them then they will never have a chance.
Thank you Feminist Movement. Thank you Baby Boomers. Thank you liberals who decided you would be better at preparing children for adulthood than their own parents. Thank you mothers who were far to eager to abdicate that responsibility. And thank you fathers who are not willing to be providers so your wives can stay home and rear your children.
"The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame. When the wicked are multiplied, transgression increaseth: but the righteous shall see their fall. Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul. Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he." Proverbs 29:15-18
Rod = Strong's H7626 - shebet
rod, staff, branch, offshoot, club, sceptre, tribe
I really disagree. I mean really really.
Adolescence is something new that our western culture has created. It wasn't that long ago that people were on their own and starting their own families at that age - very successfully. A hundred years ago an unmarried girl was considered a spinster at 20! Imagine that!!!
Instead of teaching our children independence and giving them wings to soar on we have coddled and enabled them making them far to dependent on us for far too long.
Does this mean that we should push them to go before they are ready? No. But we should be giving them the tools to be ready. This is nearly impossible to do when we are farming our children out to be raised in herds starting in preschool up until they graduate from high school.
All the life lessons and skills we are supposed to be teaching them can not possibly be taught when they are away from us all day and the result is that we have children who are not ready to leave our nests when they should be. This is the beauty of homeschooling! Being a SAHM is not enough. It is good, but if you do not have stay at home children then the mother's job is being hindered. When the children and mother are home together EVERYTHING becomes a learning opportunity. Life becomes a classroom. Spirituality, morality, personal responsibility, work ethic, etc. all get rolled together into a constant kaleidescope of lessons being taught by those with a personal vested interest in the outcome.
At the age of 18 a child should be READY to leave home. They may stay for a myriad of reasons but if they do they should be contributing to the family and responsible for themselves - working hard, going to school, and paying their own bills and if not a full time student even paying rent. And only for a time. But they should be ready.
If our child is not ready to leave home when they are finished with high school we have only ourselves to blame. If we are doing our jobs right parenting only gets harder as our children approach adulthood and independence. Making a strong work ethic and personal responsibility a part of who they are does not come naturally. It takes a lot of hard work on the part of their parents - particularly the mother who is supposed to be in the home investing that time. It is draining. There is little to no reward. Everyone else seems to be working against the goal you are pursuing just as hard as you are working towards it.
There are many days when I feel like I am wasting my time. That my time would be better spent in the work force. That I am going nowhere fast. That I am failing my children and that they in turn are failing me. But those are feelings. They are not based in truth. Truth is that scripture clearly states that I am to be right here doing what I am doing. My job is not over until they are able to function in the world on their own. I must not allow anything to deviate me from my course. Because in the end their failures are my failures. Their choices are their own, but if they don't know what is expected of them then they will never have a chance.
Thank you Feminist Movement. Thank you Baby Boomers. Thank you liberals who decided you would be better at preparing children for adulthood than their own parents. Thank you mothers who were far to eager to abdicate that responsibility. And thank you fathers who are not willing to be providers so your wives can stay home and rear your children.
"The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame. When the wicked are multiplied, transgression increaseth: but the righteous shall see their fall. Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul. Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he." Proverbs 29:15-18
Rod = Strong's H7626 - shebet
rod, staff, branch, offshoot, club, sceptre, tribe
a) rod, staff
b) shaft (of spear, dart)
c) club (of shepherd's implement)
d) truncheon, sceptre (mark of authority)
e) clan, tribe
Reproof = H8433 towkechah
reproof, rebuke, reproved, arguments, misc
Friday, November 6, 2009
Seven Quick Takes, vol.... um... 9
~~1~~
It seems like I keep ending up blogging while sitting on the (closed) toilet (fully clothed). It seems like the best way to make use of my time while I supervise a certain Little Miss as she splashes and plays in the bathtub. If I'm not blogging while she plays in the tub I usually use that time to clean the bathroom (which I will probably do just as soon as I hit the publish post button.
As a side note, where can I find a toddler proof bath tub plug?! And why does Little Miss insist on pulling it out?!
Now she has just discovered that while she bathes her siblings are dining and she is alternating between insisting that she eat and that she needs to potty. She really is trying to sabotage my attempts to sit down long enough to type an entire blog entry in one sitting*.
~~2~~
My mind has been preoccupied with the subject of abortion lately. This often happens to me during my pregnancies as I fight so hard to protect the life inside of me while others seek to destroy the life inside of them. This is compounded when I look at images of tiny little babies - who look so very much like BABIES and I wonder how anyone could not have the the instinct to nurture and protect?!
There is a website I discovered when Sarah was a baby where I mostly read but occaisionally post. On this site a single mother of 3 shared that she had irresponsibly gotten pregnant and was choosing to have an abortion rather than take on the responsibility for her actions. I was gobsmacked when she came back after her 'procedure" and shared that seein
g the sonogram had "confirmed her feeling that this was the right thing to do" and that the baby was "so much smaller than she had expected and "completely lacked any form or definition".
g the sonogram had "confirmed her feeling that this was the right thing to do" and that the baby was "so much smaller than she had expected and "completely lacked any form or definition".Wow. Denial is not just a river in Egypt. Maybe on that particular sonogram machine form and definition were not present, but they were most definately there! She would have been about as far along as I am. My baby has arms and legs, which it moves spontanteiously.
What do you think, does this look like a "lack of definition" to you?!
I am proud to say that I did speak up, firmly yet gently before the mother acted upon her choice to end her child's life. I spoke up not only in defense of the child's life, but the consequence that choosing abortion would have on the mother long term. She will have to live every day with what she has done. The child is no longer in danger, the damage to him or her is done and over with and he or she is living in eternal peace with God. I obeyed and spoke truth to the mother in a non accusatory way and can walk away blameless.
~~3~~
Little Miss has a cold, which she has been fighting off since about Monday. Her nose is now truly congested and rather than let her suffer I am making a natural decongestant for her (since there are no baby and toddler safe ones on the market these days.
The key ingredient is an onion. Last year, because she was less than a year old I used brown sugar rather than honey. This year I used honey because honey is more beneficial and she is well over a year and past period of being susceptible to botulism.
You cut an onion into thin layers and put it in a jar with a layer of brown sugar or honey between each layer. You then stab the layers repeatedly to get the onions juices flowing. The first dose should be ready in about 20 minutes, and the medicinal syrup should be completed in about 24 hours at which point you strain the onion bits out of the juice. Some recipes call for simmering the concotion (you get more juice out of the onion this way I believe) but I have not tried that yet. Maybe later. Combining the juices with lemon juice and warm water has even more benefits!
Last year when I used just an onion and brown sugar I found the remedy to have benefit. We'll see how this slightly different concoction works this year. As with all cold remedies, the results are only temporary.
Garlic and honey are also very beneficial in combination. Just in case you were wondering. ;)
~~4~~
Ever prayerful...
~~5~~
I am just about finished reading Dr. Laura's new book In Praise of Stay-At-Home Moms and I must say it is a MUST READ for all mother's everywhere - even those who work outside the home - and all women who might someday become mothers!I am a HUGE Dr. Laura fan. Especially since reading The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands when my husband and I were newly married.
~~6~~
I killed my iPhone this week. I have dropped it a million times but apparently this was one time too many. At my doctor appointment on Monday my phone was still in my pocket when I took my pants off. As I folded my pants up the phone slipped out of my pocket and landed face down with a thud on the floor immediately killing the screen. Oh, it lit up, but all I got was a blank white screen. I couldn't even turn it off to try to turn it back on! And worst of all, my lap top stopped recognising it as an external device a few months ago and I can't figure out how to get my pictures off of it!
Fortunately, we had a spare iPhone. Who has a spare iPhone laying around you ask? Well, someone who lost said iPhone at the grocery store and miraculously found it the day after replacing it. I just need to get it reactivated!
~~7~~
Because my house has so few 3 hole prong outlets I am at the moment sitting awkwardly on the floor next to the wall in my living room that seperates said room from the rest of the house. It is the wall shared by my (way too tiny) bedroom. Being that we have been in this house for a whopping 2 months, and I have spent a month of that time laying exhausted and gestating on the couch (yeah first trimester) the wall is bare and the only furniture in the room is a couch and our large dining room table (which has no hope of fitting into the house's very small dining room. Both of these items of furniture are on the other side of the room. Yet as I sit here my eyes lock onto splotches of reddish orange on the wall. I'm assuming they came from something once edible, but as far as WHAT that was, your guess is as good as mine! Ew!
*Between Takes 2 and 3 I had to refill the bath tub, bath Little Miss, drain the tub, dry her, put Frizz Ease in her hair, lotion her up, make the concotion in Take 3, and then lay down with her for a nap. In the middle of Take 7 I had to get up and go snuggle her back to sleep before sneaking away to finish my blog entry.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Carrying a miracle...
For the first time in 10 years my body is succesfully carrying a pregnancy without any outside intervention! WHOO HOO!!! We go back in 2 weeks for another follow up, just to make sure everything is still tracking. I'm soooo excited for that appointment as our little Sproglet should be quite active at that point!
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Monday, November 2, 2009
Where did my baby go?
In the process of getting ready for my sonogram later this afternoon I am sitting here in the bathroom watching my "baby" play in the bath tub. Except, she's really not so much of a baby any more.
For one thing she is proudly telling me that she tooted in the bath tub. Babies don't do that. LOL!!! Also I am sitting on the toilet with my lap top - watching over her with care, however she no longer requires a hovering hand. I am looking at her and wondering...
Excuse me a moment, I need to go take the plug from her and put it back in the drain.... Ok, where was I? Oh yes!
I am looking at her and wondering where my fat mostly bald baby went to? I see the same impish expressions, but this girl is longer with curly hair that goes just past her shoulders when wet. When her hair is frizzy she looks kinda like she has a mullet. She talks a LOT and has a great sense of humor. She wears big girl underwear and uses the toilt. She's still a baby yet, not a baby. It has all gone way too fast!
This stage that Sarah is in now is my favorite of all the stages. Yet I find myself wishing I could go back and hold each of my little babies just a little longer. To feel once more the weight of them in my arms. To hear their crys. To wipe the trail of drool off of their chins. To hear their baby laugh. Just for a minute, that's all...
For one thing she is proudly telling me that she tooted in the bath tub. Babies don't do that. LOL!!! Also I am sitting on the toilet with my lap top - watching over her with care, however she no longer requires a hovering hand. I am looking at her and wondering...
Excuse me a moment, I need to go take the plug from her and put it back in the drain.... Ok, where was I? Oh yes!
I am looking at her and wondering where my fat mostly bald baby went to? I see the same impish expressions, but this girl is longer with curly hair that goes just past her shoulders when wet. When her hair is frizzy she looks kinda like she has a mullet. She talks a LOT and has a great sense of humor. She wears big girl underwear and uses the toilt. She's still a baby yet, not a baby. It has all gone way too fast!
This stage that Sarah is in now is my favorite of all the stages. Yet I find myself wishing I could go back and hold each of my little babies just a little longer. To feel once more the weight of them in my arms. To hear their crys. To wipe the trail of drool off of their chins. To hear their baby laugh. Just for a minute, that's all...
Saturday, October 31, 2009
The baby in the bubble (this might be TMI)...
I will be 8 weeks on Monday when I have my sonogram and earlier today I was image googling pictures of 8 week fetus (feti?) and one of the pictures brought back a very strong memory.
When I miscarried the twins in Texas I delivered the second baby in a bedpan just before being wheeled to the ER for an emergency d&c. Becaues I was in the trendelinburg position and in such bad shape physically I wasn't able to inspect "it" as closely as I would have liked, but I was able to glance over at the bed pan and I could see the sac sitting in the bedpan. I couldn't see what (who!) was in the sac and how developed of a baby it was but the sac was perfectly formed and perfectly intact. It looked exactly like someone had blown a bubble with bubble gum and plopped it in that bedpan.
Without being able to see the baby inside of it, it looked exactly like this although maybe a bit more pink:
When I miscarried the twins in Texas I delivered the second baby in a bedpan just before being wheeled to the ER for an emergency d&c. Becaues I was in the trendelinburg position and in such bad shape physically I wasn't able to inspect "it" as closely as I would have liked, but I was able to glance over at the bed pan and I could see the sac sitting in the bedpan. I couldn't see what (who!) was in the sac and how developed of a baby it was but the sac was perfectly formed and perfectly intact. It looked exactly like someone had blown a bubble with bubble gum and plopped it in that bedpan.
Without being able to see the baby inside of it, it looked exactly like this although maybe a bit more pink:
Friday, October 30, 2009
Seven Quick Takes, vol. 9
I'm actually not sure if I can come up with 7, but here goes...
~~1~~
My blood pressure keeps shooting up at various times which has me very worried. I'm not even 8 weeks yet, it's far too early to be developing PIH!!! If this keeps up my dreams of birthing at home will remain just that, dreams.
~~2~~
Thomas, the little Puggle I work with and son of my friend Christina (http://amazinglygracefulphotography.blogspot.com/) had a SPECTACLUAR night at AWANA tonight! We've been working with him for several weeks, trying to help him adapt and also how to adapt Puggles to him. Now that he has gotten accustomed to the routine of Puggles and developed a certain sense of security he seems to have finally conquered his seperation anxiety! We only had one almost melt down and other than leaving the Puggles room for 5 minutes during play time he succesfully stayed through the evening and had SO MUCH FUN!!! It. Was. AWESOME!!! Thank You, God!!!
~~3~~
I am in the process of breaking up with C.L.A.S.S. and finding my own homeschool style and figuring out what curriculums will work and how much I want to use actual curriculumns. I haven't decided if I'm going to finish the English books that I have or move on to something else. I'm also trying to decide what math curriculumn I want to use. I'm considering not using anything set but just figuring out what they don't know, having Super Hubbie teach it to them, and then review it until they know it solidly. They both tested very high on their CAT test so between that and claiming religious exemption gives us some wiggle room to figure out what works best for us. I want to focus more on learning than on teaching. A classroom environment is NOT neccesarily the best way for a child to learn and I am realizing more and more that I do NOT have to conform to the way society says children need to be taught. At the end of the day it only matters what they know, not so much how we got there.
~~4~~
It is REALLY hard to blog with a not-quite-two year old climbing on you, kicking you, and trying to pull out your pony tail!.
~~5~~
Tomorrow is the AWANA Pine Wood Derby. Super Hubbie and the kidlets are in the process of putting the finishing touches on their car. Things 1-3 made typical cars, whereas Thing 4 decided to make his into a rock, on which he painted "Jesus is the rock of our salvation". Before the paint dried it looked more like a turd than a rock and we were a little worried!
~~6~~
~~7~~
Monday is my sonogram. In many ways this will be a turning point in my pregnancy. For the baby, nothing will change. However for us, everything will change. You see, I have experienced 5 pregnancy losses, one of which was twins. This sonogram is the one that will determine for us the likelyhood that we will know this child by name, hold him or her in our arms, and kiss his or her little face. I am a ball of anxiety and excitement! I really can't decide which emotion to go with... but I do know this one thing, as I have known with each of my 8 previous pregnancies: this child belongs to God. This child's life is God's to do with as He sees fit. If the Lord chooses for this child's life to be very short then He will meet me there and give me the grace I need. He does not give us anything we can not handle and He is perfectly Sovereign. We are HIS creation for HIS purpose and HIS glory. And my desires to keep my children are so selfish. For them Heaven is ALWAYS better. And if I am truly living a life of surrender - if I am truly a living sacrifice for my King, then how can I argue with God when He chooses for my child a life untouched my sin, sorrow, or pain?
So, please be thinking of us on Monday afternoon. My appointment is at 3:50.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Thankful Thursday, a day late... 'cause that's how I roll!
10. My crockpot. Oh how I love my crockpot! Especially during this stage of pregnancy when I am both so very tired and often find food to be less appealing. It's far more appealing when it cooks itself! LOL!
9. SoBe. I. Love. Sobe!!!
8. The rec room in our basement -couch, TV... just the perfect place for a pregnant mama to hang out!
7. The rec room in our basement - there is a door at the top of the stairs which means we can toss the kids downstairs and have some peace and quiet upstairs!
6. Petite length maternity jeans.
5. My friend Gill!
4. My friend Christina!
3. My laptop!
2. Sea Bands!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1. That gorgeous hunk of man who shares my bed. :) :) :)
9. SoBe. I. Love. Sobe!!!
8. The rec room in our basement -couch, TV... just the perfect place for a pregnant mama to hang out!
7. The rec room in our basement - there is a door at the top of the stairs which means we can toss the kids downstairs and have some peace and quiet upstairs!
6. Petite length maternity jeans.
5. My friend Gill!
4. My friend Christina!
3. My laptop!
2. Sea Bands!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1. That gorgeous hunk of man who shares my bed. :) :) :)
Seven Quick Takes, vol. 8
~~1~~
I have a huge pet peeve that I usually don't say too much about, at least not in public circles. I just don't need the drama. I can not stand childish adults. Nothing is ever good enough for these people, they make other people's trials all about them, and they are constantly whining or pouting and trying to garner attention. If you're so vain that you think this take is about you then it probably is. Your God is too small and you seriously need to pull up your big girl panties and move on!
~~2~~
One of the oddest things about pregnancy is how hunger and nausea visit you together. And if you wait just a second too long to start eating you'll likely vomit up the first few bites and then be good to go. It's also interesting how you don't have to be hungry in order to have a craving and you can in fact have cravings when nauseated. And on that note, will someone please bring me some Chinese food?
~~3~~
Emelia is having a friend sleep over tonight for the first time! Any other time we've had sleep overs here is was a babysitting situation. These girls are funny! They are a few years apart in age (Emelia's older) but pretty close in their emotional maturity and they get along beautifully. I can't tell you how many times Emelia came to me before they finally fell asleep claiming that they "couldn't" sleep. Yes sweetheart, it's awfully hard to fall asleep when you're busy talking and giggling! They are in sleeping bags on my living room floor. More specifically under my dining room table which they have turned into a fort. It will be interesting to see where they have migrated to come morning!
~~4~~
I'm not sure how many readers I actually have, but for anyone who should stumble upon my page I would like to ask you to please pray for this family: http://marquissclan.blogspot.com/ I don't really know this mama, but she has found a special place in my heart. Not just because of the cross the Lord has chosen for her to carry but because I can tell from her style of posting that she has a vibrant and fun personality.
~~5~~
It is soooo cold here. It seems especially cold for this time of year. It's been raining pretty much nonstop for the past 36 hours. I'm totally ok with that - practices were canceled last night and tonight and games for tomorrow have been canceled which means life gets to slow down for a few days and I can take a deep breath. As much as I enjoy watching my children enjoy and participate in sports I'll be so glad when the fall season is over! It's too cold and dark out there and I'm too Zzzzzzz.... Oops, sorry - was trying to say I'm tired. ;)
~~6~~
Motherhood Maternity has finally realized that even petite women get pregnant and carries petite maternity jeans (for you tall gals they also have long ones). I was sooo excited when I bought them to finally be able to walk without having to either roll the bottoms of my pant legs up or walk on them. However I've discovered a problem - apparently a petite small is not small enough. I need a belt, a stapler, or something. These suckers will not stay up! After walking across the room they have literally fallen a good 2 inches and are sagging uncomfortably. This leaves me no choice but to awkwardly, and somewhat inappropriately, hike them up and put them back in place. I don't really have any other options though. I'm one of those women who pops out IMMEDIATELY and at less than 6 weeks I can no longer fasten my regular jeans. I'll post a picture of my protruding bump later.
~~7~~
I need to find some simple long sleeved t shirts that are either regular clothes but long enough to cover my maternity panel (and camoflauge the whole sagging to my knees thing) without being indecent on top, or are maternity but don't look like maternity. And they must be cheap. Yeah... good luck to me!
Monday, October 12, 2009
Seven Quick Takes, vol. 7...
http://www.conversiondiary.com/2009/10/7-quick-takes-friday-vol-53.html - Late as always, but that's better than never!
~~1~~
My heart has been going out to the Lord on behalf of this precious family as they spent their last weeks and days with their beloved husband/father who was dying from MS. It has been a long hard road for them, but God's grace has been so evident in their lives. Their faith has been so strong and tangibly real and I praise the Lord for the testimony they have been to others.
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/chrisklicka
My heart has been going out to the Lord on behalf of this precious family as they spent their last weeks and days with their beloved husband/father who was dying from MS. It has been a long hard road for them, but God's grace has been so evident in their lives. Their faith has been so strong and tangibly real and I praise the Lord for the testimony they have been to others.
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/chrisklicka
Upon hearing of Chris' passing my heart immediately turned to Romans 8:18-25...
"...Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory He will reveal to us later. For all creation is waiting eagerly for that future day when God will reveal who His children really are. Against its will, all creation was subjected to God’s curse. But with eager hope, the creation looks forward to the day when it will join God’s children in glorious freedom from death and decay. For we know that all creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. And we believers also groan, even though we have the Holy Spirit within us as a foretaste of future glory, for we long for our bodies to be released from sin and suffering. We, too, wait with eager hope for the day when God will give us our full rights as His adopted children, including the new bodies He has promised us. We were given this hope when we were saved. (If we already have something, we don’t need to hope for it. But if we look forward to something we don’t yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently.)..."
Maranatha! Even so, come Lord Jesus!!!!!!
~~2~~
Really, it's hard to follow that with anything. Yet the fact remains that life goes on after death. The world keeps spinning, and for those left behind life continues to happen. I'm trying to figure out if I can even come up with all seven takes but I'll do my best! I hate death. Really really really hate death. I think of the verse that says "where Oh death is thy sting..." and I don't think it applys to this side of heaven. Even for believers, death still has a sting to it for those left behind. Even when we grieve as those with no hope, we still grieve. When living in the tangible here and now death comes with such finality, as if a door has been slammed shut in our face. More is lost to us than the physical presence of the person. Yes, we will see them again one way or another for we are each made with a unique eternal soul and wherever we spend eternity we will stand in our bodies before Christ. However, that doesn't help us now. When a loved one dies we also lose all of their thoughts, their memories, their feelings and opinons. Simple things that they knew that we need to ask (such as where is...) are just - gone. And yes, it still stings. Thanks be to God for His neverending mercies and for granting us the gift of our eternal souls and the gift of giving those souls to Him for His glory and purpose!!!
~~3~~
I bought the kids carmel apples tonight for the first time I think... ever. I really didn't have a good enough reason to say no and it is nice to get them a special treat once in a while for no other reason than that parents like to give good gifts to their children ("...“You parents—if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead? Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake? Of course not! So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask Him..." Matthew 7:9-11).
When we got home Sarah found them and brought them to me begging "pwease... pwease.... PWEASE!!!!" Too cute!!!
~~4~~
I almost bought a package of pull ups tonight for Sarah at bed time as she wets the bed once in a while. I've been wanting to get some cloth pull ups for her but haven't had an oppurtunity (read extra money for something I can do ok without). I'll be making that more of a priority now that I'm with child and sometimes too tired to get her up in the night to go pee. I couldn't follow through with the pull ups though. I haven't bought paper diapers in over 9 years and at this point to do so would go against my convictions (yes, I have convictions about such things, no matter how crazy the other moms in the nursery at church think I am.
~~5~~
I have found that gallon sized ziplock bags are the perfect container for reheating food. I'm nuts, I know. If I was a purist I wouldn't even own a microwave (and trust me, I have my doubts about their safety). However the reality of having all these kids combined with not wanting to take the extra time (not to mention extra dishes!) to warm the food on the stove or in the oven entices me to own one and use it daily for reaheating left overs.
~~6~~
We've chosen the name Enoch for this baby if s/he is a boy. The middle name will be either Caleb or Joseph. I think I might want to save the name Caleb for another baby (yes I did just say another baby... only God really knows!). Girls names are not so easy to come by. With our last two pregnancies we were in agreement on the name Hazel (after Super Hubbie's grandmother) but couldn't agree on anything else. Sarah was not a name either of us loved, it was simply the only name we could both agree on! I think this baby will be even more difficult to name! We simply do not have the same taste in names! Emelia suggested the name Glory tonight, which I love. I'll just have to wait and see what Super Hubbie thinks of it!
~~7~~
Sarah tries to sing lately and it is sooooo cute! I have got to find the battery for my video camera!!!!!!
Pregnant times call for desperate measures...
It has been years, and I do mean YEARS since I bought instant anything and served it to my family. Never before have I bought premade potatoes... that is, until tonight. Between first trimester exhaustion (read dead on my feet) and baseball practice I didn't have the time nor the energy to whip up some mashed potatoes to go with the left over pork tenderloin I would be serving my children for dinner. I mean, I could have but it was already late and I have two teenagers who get up at 5am and start their day so I get them into bed as close to 8pm as I can manage. So tonight, and it is with great shame that I tell you this, I served this along with the left over pork tenderloin and fresh raw veggies....:
After some doctoring they actually may not be half bad! Not nearly as good as my made from scratch creamy and delicous potatoes (which I have mastered in the past 5 years to the point where my husband, the cook, can not compete!) but tummies will be well fed and children will go to bed comfortable tonight.
After some doctoring they actually may not be half bad! Not nearly as good as my made from scratch creamy and delicous potatoes (which I have mastered in the past 5 years to the point where my husband, the cook, can not compete!) but tummies will be well fed and children will go to bed comfortable tonight.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Seven Quick Takes, vol. 6...
~~1~~
I have put ADHD girl back on her medicine as a trial to see if the school work she produces improves. She goes through life full tilt and doesn't really absorb much of what she sees/reads/experiences. If I don't notice a significant improvement in her school work and interpersonal relationships I will take her off for good. I need to make and appointment for ADHD boy to trial him back on the medication. Same thing applys, if I don't see a significant in daily school performance I will take him off of it.
~~2~~
My washer and dryer were FINALLY delivered today after an entire month of waiting. I'm not exagerating. I placed my order on September 9th. I am now the proud new owner of a BRAND NEW energey efficient washer and dryer. WHOOT WHOOT!!!
I have put ADHD girl back on her medicine as a trial to see if the school work she produces improves. She goes through life full tilt and doesn't really absorb much of what she sees/reads/experiences. If I don't notice a significant improvement in her school work and interpersonal relationships I will take her off for good. I need to make and appointment for ADHD boy to trial him back on the medication. Same thing applys, if I don't see a significant in daily school performance I will take him off of it.
~~2~~
My washer and dryer were FINALLY delivered today after an entire month of waiting. I'm not exagerating. I placed my order on September 9th. I am now the proud new owner of a BRAND NEW energey efficient washer and dryer. WHOOT WHOOT!!!
~~3~~
Revival has come to Tabernacle. The McGilliard's are preaching each night at our church. I'm not sure I'll make it through the week... more on why that is later on in my post. ;)
http://mcgilliardministries.com/
~~4~~
Revival has come to Tabernacle. The McGilliard's are preaching each night at our church. I'm not sure I'll make it through the week... more on why that is later on in my post. ;)
http://mcgilliardministries.com/
~~4~~
On Saturday Elijah made the winning play of his game by catching a line drive! It was. So. AWESOME!!!!!!
~~5~~
~~5~~
I feel like crud. And here is why...
Yes, I peed on 3 different sticks. LOL And the test line came up before the control line all three times. I am having serial blood tests done to monitor my HCG and progesterone as I have suffered multiple miscarriages. Prayers are most definately coveted!
~~6~~
One of the great gifts of homeschooling is the ability to train my children (more specifically my daughter) on how to run a home. Emelia has such a servants heart and is such a help to me with Sarah and keeping up on household work.
~~7~~
I desperately want to curl up on the couch or go back to bed, but I'm babysitting. This afternoon when I go into town for my lab work I will be hitting CVS for a new set of Sea Bands!
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Thankful Thursday...
It's that time of the week again, and for once I am on time. WHOO HOO!!! Counting my blessings, naming them one by one... well, 10 of them anyway.
10. Good friends who let you come do your laundry at their house while you wait for Sears to deliver your new washer and dryer.
9. FedEx delivering my new shipment of Charlie's Soap (laundry powder). So glad to not have to use detergent!
8. I no longer use a diaper pail.
7. A husband who, when he fails, humbles himself and picks himself up, dusts himself off, and works harder to be the man His Creator designed him to be.
6. My new kitchen. I really really love my knew kitchen.
5. Sarah's sand box. I got it for free (*cough*pulled it out of the trash at the dump and cleaned it real good*cough*) and today I put the sand in it and we spent some time playing outside before nap and picking the biggest brothers up from school.
4. Really good dental health insurance. Josh had some work done yesterday and he has 2 or 3 more appointments. It will cost us a fraction of what it would have with our old insurance.
3. Strawberry Daquiri SoBe. I will be so sad when they discontinue this! Wonder if I can drink enough to keep it in production?!
2. My kitchen aid mixer and flour mill.
1. My gracious God who's mercies are new EVERY morning. How GREAT is His faithfulness to me!
10. Good friends who let you come do your laundry at their house while you wait for Sears to deliver your new washer and dryer.
9. FedEx delivering my new shipment of Charlie's Soap (laundry powder). So glad to not have to use detergent!
8. I no longer use a diaper pail.
7. A husband who, when he fails, humbles himself and picks himself up, dusts himself off, and works harder to be the man His Creator designed him to be.
6. My new kitchen. I really really love my knew kitchen.
5. Sarah's sand box. I got it for free (*cough*pulled it out of the trash at the dump and cleaned it real good*cough*) and today I put the sand in it and we spent some time playing outside before nap and picking the biggest brothers up from school.
4. Really good dental health insurance. Josh had some work done yesterday and he has 2 or 3 more appointments. It will cost us a fraction of what it would have with our old insurance.
3. Strawberry Daquiri SoBe. I will be so sad when they discontinue this! Wonder if I can drink enough to keep it in production?!
2. My kitchen aid mixer and flour mill.
1. My gracious God who's mercies are new EVERY morning. How GREAT is His faithfulness to me!
She does not eat the bread of idleness...
What I didn't think to take pictures of was the process of grinding the wheat berries into flour...
Reflections and Revelations...
I've always believed that the reason God gave me Elijah was because He knew how much Emelia would need him. It just seemed too coincidental that the only "accidental" pregnancy among years of difficulty conceiving and several pregnancy losses would follow on the heals of the birth of a intense personality who thrives on social interaction.
By the same token, I've wondered over the last few years why God allowed the boys bio mom to get pregnant with Luke so soon after the birth of Joshua when she clearly wasn't handling the whole motherhood thing very well and finding it to be much more than she bargained for and more sacrifice than she was willing to make. From my fleshly persepctive this seemed a harsh and perhaps fool hardy thing for God to do (although I never allowed myself to admit I was thinking of God's actions in those terms). It seemed to me that this exacerbated an already volatile situation.
However, last night as I was looking at the face of my sweet baby God revealed some truths to me about that situation, our family, and my children's sibling relationships.
I have wished for some time that God would give Sarah a close in age sibling as He did for each of my other children. Joshua and Luke are 14 months apart, Emelia and Elijah just under 19 months. There are 2 years seperating Luke and Emelia creating a nice bridge to bind the 4 of them together and keeping a certain closeness between Joshua and Elijah.
Frustratingly, at this rate even if I were to conceive and succesfully carry a pregnancy there would be more than 2 years between Sarah and that child, with a whopping 8 years between her next closest sibling. Last night Sarah came into our bed in the middle of the night and as I was watching her sleep I wondered what it would be like if there were another baby in additon to her curling up with me in the night.
And that, my friends, is when it hit me. That is precisely why there is a Luke. Bio mom's lackings as a nurturing mother and responsible caretaker are PRECISELY why God sent Luke to this earth. Because... are you ready for this???!!! Josh needed him. My understanding of relationship needs and the power and influence one small baby can have on someone elses world changed in that moment.
Yes, a new baby added more stress to the situation. However, he did not make it worse. Bio mom was/is an adult and is responsible for her own choices. We each have stress and difficulties in our lives and we can go one of two ways with that. We can respond with grace and maturity, turning our focus and lives towards Jesus and leaning on Him and those He has placed in our lives. Or we can choose to tantrum and fight and complain and make life hellacious for everyone around you, terrorizing those who love you and want what is best for you.
She chose the later, and while the combined result was Luke having to suffer for her actions, his very existence lightened Joshua's suffering. It alleviated his loneliness while she tended to everything but him as she went about her day, and later provided him a companion during the hours he was left with strangers while his father had to leave him long enough to draw a paycheck... and even more when she violated the court order and ran off with them filling their lives with uncertainty and removing every bit of stability they had.
As much as Joshua sheltered and protected his younger brother when they were little, I wonder if he realizes how much Luke sheltered and protected him. I wonder if he realizes that after Jesus his brother is the very best friend he could ever have. That because of Luke he did not have to live through those experiences alone. That no one else can relate to where he's been, what he's been through, and how it has shaped him. Other friends might be cooler, less annoying, and have better habits. But none of them will ever understand or be there for him like his brother will. I hope that one day as he matures from a boy into a man he will come to fully understand what a precious gift he has been given.
Which brings me back to Sarah. God hasn't sent her a little brother or sister yet because she doesn't NEED one. She has stability and nurturing from her parents, she doesn't need to draw it from her sibling(s). While her siblings are not her peers, at this point in her life they fill her need for companionship. And because of all of the above she gets to be a baby for as long as she needs too. I still want another baby now though. Please Jesus?!
By the same token, I've wondered over the last few years why God allowed the boys bio mom to get pregnant with Luke so soon after the birth of Joshua when she clearly wasn't handling the whole motherhood thing very well and finding it to be much more than she bargained for and more sacrifice than she was willing to make. From my fleshly persepctive this seemed a harsh and perhaps fool hardy thing for God to do (although I never allowed myself to admit I was thinking of God's actions in those terms). It seemed to me that this exacerbated an already volatile situation.
However, last night as I was looking at the face of my sweet baby God revealed some truths to me about that situation, our family, and my children's sibling relationships.
I have wished for some time that God would give Sarah a close in age sibling as He did for each of my other children. Joshua and Luke are 14 months apart, Emelia and Elijah just under 19 months. There are 2 years seperating Luke and Emelia creating a nice bridge to bind the 4 of them together and keeping a certain closeness between Joshua and Elijah.
Frustratingly, at this rate even if I were to conceive and succesfully carry a pregnancy there would be more than 2 years between Sarah and that child, with a whopping 8 years between her next closest sibling. Last night Sarah came into our bed in the middle of the night and as I was watching her sleep I wondered what it would be like if there were another baby in additon to her curling up with me in the night.
And that, my friends, is when it hit me. That is precisely why there is a Luke. Bio mom's lackings as a nurturing mother and responsible caretaker are PRECISELY why God sent Luke to this earth. Because... are you ready for this???!!! Josh needed him. My understanding of relationship needs and the power and influence one small baby can have on someone elses world changed in that moment.
Yes, a new baby added more stress to the situation. However, he did not make it worse. Bio mom was/is an adult and is responsible for her own choices. We each have stress and difficulties in our lives and we can go one of two ways with that. We can respond with grace and maturity, turning our focus and lives towards Jesus and leaning on Him and those He has placed in our lives. Or we can choose to tantrum and fight and complain and make life hellacious for everyone around you, terrorizing those who love you and want what is best for you.
She chose the later, and while the combined result was Luke having to suffer for her actions, his very existence lightened Joshua's suffering. It alleviated his loneliness while she tended to everything but him as she went about her day, and later provided him a companion during the hours he was left with strangers while his father had to leave him long enough to draw a paycheck... and even more when she violated the court order and ran off with them filling their lives with uncertainty and removing every bit of stability they had.
As much as Joshua sheltered and protected his younger brother when they were little, I wonder if he realizes how much Luke sheltered and protected him. I wonder if he realizes that after Jesus his brother is the very best friend he could ever have. That because of Luke he did not have to live through those experiences alone. That no one else can relate to where he's been, what he's been through, and how it has shaped him. Other friends might be cooler, less annoying, and have better habits. But none of them will ever understand or be there for him like his brother will. I hope that one day as he matures from a boy into a man he will come to fully understand what a precious gift he has been given.
Which brings me back to Sarah. God hasn't sent her a little brother or sister yet because she doesn't NEED one. She has stability and nurturing from her parents, she doesn't need to draw it from her sibling(s). While her siblings are not her peers, at this point in her life they fill her need for companionship. And because of all of the above she gets to be a baby for as long as she needs too. I still want another baby now though. Please Jesus?!
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Seven Quick Takes, volume 5
~~1~~
I am most eager for Saturday to arrive. It is a day to sleep in you say? Well, maybe for those who do not have soccer and baseball games to cheer for. And although I do like my sleep, this is not why I am so excited for Saturday to arrive. You see, this Saturday is October 3. October 3 is the day my new washer and dryer will be delivered. I. Can. Not. Wait!!! Being a family of 7 with no washer and dryer has been... well, challenging. Thanks to wonderful friends I've only had to make 2 laundra mat trips and will probably do one more sometime this week.
~~2~~
Sarah is deeply in the stage of being obsessed with coloring. The problem is, she doesn't quite grasp the whole "we don't color in books, only the paper Mama gave you" concept.
~~3~~
ADHD boy is struggling. Actually, compared to last year he is doing really well. If he maintains the pace he's at now he could easily complete both 4th and 5th grades before the next school year starts. But when it comes to AWANA he struggles. Oddly he did not have this problem in Sparks and I don't hear any complaints about Sunday School. But the leaders he is under in AWANA just do not get him and don't know how to help him. At times I feel like it might be a good idea to pull him out as it isn't fair to him or the other kids, but I know that is not the right answer and would only serve to punish him. I probably need to have a talk with the leaders, but even then I can't make them understand. Also, I always worry that it will be interpreted as making excuses for his behavior or that the individual will then make allowances that should not be made. Rock, meet the hard place.
~~4~~
By the end of this week we should be completely done with the old house. Our former landlord's are being a bit unreasonable about things and expect us to take care of things that are not our responsibility. In an attempt to mirror Christ to them we have gone above and beyond and I am exhausted. I will be so glad to see the start of next week when I wont have any responsibilities outside of my home and family.
~~5~~
I took some HILLARIOUS pictures of Joshua on Saturday using my phone that I am just dying to post, but for some reason I can't seem to get them to upload onto my computer. I'll keep trying. Be on the lookout for a picture editorial of what a lengths a boy will go to in order to achieve the attention of a girl... even if that girl is "just" his mom! It's pretty funny!!!
~~6~~
Life is hard, but God is good. I am currently struggling with the sin of resentment. I am tired of feeling like I am being used and taken advantage of. I feel unappreciated and replacable. I have lost my servant attitude towards my family and I'm not at all happy about it. My attitude, in a word, sucks. The older your children get, the more intensive parenting becomes. Teenagers are HARD WORK and they resist everything you do.
~~7~~
I am trying to find a balance between schooling and housekeeping. It's difficult to get everything done that I must get done when you have children who struggle to work independantly. Add to that a clingy little mama's girl toddler and kids who manage to get by without doing their chores and things fall to the wayside. Right now I am sitting here when I should be keeping Emelia and Elijah on task whilst they do their math work. I have shut Sarah out of the room so that I can copy book report forms and type without having her climbing on me. I have to run out and go pick up some preschool workbooks from a freecycler and I really had hopes of visiting the Opp Shop (second hand store in town that is only open on certain days) and getting my hair cut today. The last 2 activities are not likely to happen. But, it is a beautiful fall day and everyone is healthy. I have a yummy pot roast in the crock pot and hopefully the kids will get their school work done in time to go to practice tonight - one soccer and one baseball, on opposite ends of the county. And the husband is working tonight so I am on my own! Weeeee
I am most eager for Saturday to arrive. It is a day to sleep in you say? Well, maybe for those who do not have soccer and baseball games to cheer for. And although I do like my sleep, this is not why I am so excited for Saturday to arrive. You see, this Saturday is October 3. October 3 is the day my new washer and dryer will be delivered. I. Can. Not. Wait!!! Being a family of 7 with no washer and dryer has been... well, challenging. Thanks to wonderful friends I've only had to make 2 laundra mat trips and will probably do one more sometime this week.
~~2~~
Sarah is deeply in the stage of being obsessed with coloring. The problem is, she doesn't quite grasp the whole "we don't color in books, only the paper Mama gave you" concept.
~~3~~
ADHD boy is struggling. Actually, compared to last year he is doing really well. If he maintains the pace he's at now he could easily complete both 4th and 5th grades before the next school year starts. But when it comes to AWANA he struggles. Oddly he did not have this problem in Sparks and I don't hear any complaints about Sunday School. But the leaders he is under in AWANA just do not get him and don't know how to help him. At times I feel like it might be a good idea to pull him out as it isn't fair to him or the other kids, but I know that is not the right answer and would only serve to punish him. I probably need to have a talk with the leaders, but even then I can't make them understand. Also, I always worry that it will be interpreted as making excuses for his behavior or that the individual will then make allowances that should not be made. Rock, meet the hard place.
~~4~~
By the end of this week we should be completely done with the old house. Our former landlord's are being a bit unreasonable about things and expect us to take care of things that are not our responsibility. In an attempt to mirror Christ to them we have gone above and beyond and I am exhausted. I will be so glad to see the start of next week when I wont have any responsibilities outside of my home and family.
~~5~~
I took some HILLARIOUS pictures of Joshua on Saturday using my phone that I am just dying to post, but for some reason I can't seem to get them to upload onto my computer. I'll keep trying. Be on the lookout for a picture editorial of what a lengths a boy will go to in order to achieve the attention of a girl... even if that girl is "just" his mom! It's pretty funny!!!
~~6~~
Life is hard, but God is good. I am currently struggling with the sin of resentment. I am tired of feeling like I am being used and taken advantage of. I feel unappreciated and replacable. I have lost my servant attitude towards my family and I'm not at all happy about it. My attitude, in a word, sucks. The older your children get, the more intensive parenting becomes. Teenagers are HARD WORK and they resist everything you do.
~~7~~
I am trying to find a balance between schooling and housekeeping. It's difficult to get everything done that I must get done when you have children who struggle to work independantly. Add to that a clingy little mama's girl toddler and kids who manage to get by without doing their chores and things fall to the wayside. Right now I am sitting here when I should be keeping Emelia and Elijah on task whilst they do their math work. I have shut Sarah out of the room so that I can copy book report forms and type without having her climbing on me. I have to run out and go pick up some preschool workbooks from a freecycler and I really had hopes of visiting the Opp Shop (second hand store in town that is only open on certain days) and getting my hair cut today. The last 2 activities are not likely to happen. But, it is a beautiful fall day and everyone is healthy. I have a yummy pot roast in the crock pot and hopefully the kids will get their school work done in time to go to practice tonight - one soccer and one baseball, on opposite ends of the county. And the husband is working tonight so I am on my own! Weeeee
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Another teenager!
In the midst of our big move we also had a milestone birthday! Luke Aaron officially became a teenager! Unfortunately because of the move I wasn't able to all of the things I had planned and we were really late in doing his official cake but we did take the day off from moving and took him to a day at Fun Land (his choice). He really had a great time. We finally did his cake a couple of nights ago and despite it being from a mix and not professional, or even Wilton, quality my children have all deemed it "the coolest cake ever!!!".
Seven Quick Takes, vol. 4...
http://www.conversiondiary.com/2009/09/7-quick-takes-friday-vol-51.html
~~1~~
I missed last week's (and maybe the week before?) because of the big move. We are almost all settled into the new house and while it is "just" another rental and I don't know how long we'll be here I'm looking forward to putting the finishing touches on it and making it homey.
~~2~~
With moving my plan had been to move the cats last so I wouldn't have to worry about doors getting left open for them to escape in the new house while we were moving everything in. The kitten however had her own ideas and hitched a ride with (read, snuck into a car with) one of the ladies at church. And sadly, curiousity killed the cat... a week later my family was here and she was out front with them while they were grilling burgers. They had pulled the grill up to a light at the front of the yard as the sun had been down for quite a while, and the kitten was out there with them. The house sits probably about a hundred feet from the highway, so little Miss Curious wandered into the road to see something just as a car was coming by. And that. Was. That. :(
~~3~~
The night of the big move - the same night that the kitten snuck a ride to the new house - our older cat Tiffany, who has serious emotional issues, was totally freaked and Super Hubbie couldn't find her to bring her over. Later that night after the younger kids were in bed I took the big boys to grab a few things that had been forgotten at the old house and Joshua found Tiffy in the bathtub. She was totally freaked and trying to get away from us but we got her and put her into the cat carrier, closed the door and put her in the back seat. She mewed frantically the whole way home but didn't try to escape.
When we got home Joshua got the carrier out of the car and literally as he reached the back door she somehow managed to bust open the cat carrier and ran like lightening into the woods. It was a week before we finally began to see sightings of her, but she still wouldn't come near us or the doors of the house. Each day I kept back door open hoping the sounds and smells of the house would drift through the screen door, reaching her and luring her back in.
Last night as I was putting the kids to bed I stepped into the kitchen to get Sarah a cup of water and saw Tiffany looking through the screen! I said high to her and began to approach and she quickly went down the porch stairs. I went to the door and called her and she kept hesitantly coming half way up the stairs then turning around and going back down. It was clear she wanted to come to me but was afraid. She finally came all the way up the stairs and I scooped her up, brought her in the house and quickly shut the door so she couldn't escape. She was skinny but very happy to be reunited with us and kept pressing herself against me as hard as she could and marking her territory. She was gone for 18 days!
~~4~~
The fall soccer and baseball seasons are in full swing! Emelia has had a couple of games (soccer) and Elijah had his first game (baseball) today. Joshua and Luke have had practices (baseball) but no games yet.
~~5~~
I am watching 2 little girls after school 4 days a week as a ministry to a family at church. So far I've been picking them up from school but I may find that with my schedule that I need to have them take the bus to my house. We'll see! Emelia especially really enjoys having them here for a small part of each afternoon.
~~6~~
I have finally, after 12 or so years, been given the oppurtunity to work one on one with a special needs child. I am so thankful, and am so blessed by it! I have him one on one during AWANA on Friday night.
~~7~~
I missed last week's (and maybe the week before?) because of the big move. We are almost all settled into the new house and while it is "just" another rental and I don't know how long we'll be here I'm looking forward to putting the finishing touches on it and making it homey.
~~2~~
With moving my plan had been to move the cats last so I wouldn't have to worry about doors getting left open for them to escape in the new house while we were moving everything in. The kitten however had her own ideas and hitched a ride with (read, snuck into a car with) one of the ladies at church. And sadly, curiousity killed the cat... a week later my family was here and she was out front with them while they were grilling burgers. They had pulled the grill up to a light at the front of the yard as the sun had been down for quite a while, and the kitten was out there with them. The house sits probably about a hundred feet from the highway, so little Miss Curious wandered into the road to see something just as a car was coming by. And that. Was. That. :(
~~3~~
The night of the big move - the same night that the kitten snuck a ride to the new house - our older cat Tiffany, who has serious emotional issues, was totally freaked and Super Hubbie couldn't find her to bring her over. Later that night after the younger kids were in bed I took the big boys to grab a few things that had been forgotten at the old house and Joshua found Tiffy in the bathtub. She was totally freaked and trying to get away from us but we got her and put her into the cat carrier, closed the door and put her in the back seat. She mewed frantically the whole way home but didn't try to escape.
When we got home Joshua got the carrier out of the car and literally as he reached the back door she somehow managed to bust open the cat carrier and ran like lightening into the woods. It was a week before we finally began to see sightings of her, but she still wouldn't come near us or the doors of the house. Each day I kept back door open hoping the sounds and smells of the house would drift through the screen door, reaching her and luring her back in.
Last night as I was putting the kids to bed I stepped into the kitchen to get Sarah a cup of water and saw Tiffany looking through the screen! I said high to her and began to approach and she quickly went down the porch stairs. I went to the door and called her and she kept hesitantly coming half way up the stairs then turning around and going back down. It was clear she wanted to come to me but was afraid. She finally came all the way up the stairs and I scooped her up, brought her in the house and quickly shut the door so she couldn't escape. She was skinny but very happy to be reunited with us and kept pressing herself against me as hard as she could and marking her territory. She was gone for 18 days!
~~4~~
The fall soccer and baseball seasons are in full swing! Emelia has had a couple of games (soccer) and Elijah had his first game (baseball) today. Joshua and Luke have had practices (baseball) but no games yet.
~~5~~
I am watching 2 little girls after school 4 days a week as a ministry to a family at church. So far I've been picking them up from school but I may find that with my schedule that I need to have them take the bus to my house. We'll see! Emelia especially really enjoys having them here for a small part of each afternoon.
~~6~~
I have finally, after 12 or so years, been given the oppurtunity to work one on one with a special needs child. I am so thankful, and am so blessed by it! I have him one on one during AWANA on Friday night.
~~7~~
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Thankful Thursday...
10. I am DONE at the old house. Ok, well I have a pile of dirt by the front door I need to sweep up, I still need to vaccum the laundry room (my vaccum cleaner belt broke while I was doing the room before it, ugh!), and I need to get my friend to come over with her camera and take pictures of the house as we left it because the landlords are kind of being unreasonable butts about the whole thing.
9. Elijah finished all of his school work today AND still had plenty of time for fun! This is HUGE. Unfortunately I think they are both going to have to go back on their medication, but even without medication I am getting a ton more work out of him than the public school system was.
8. I can't remember the last time Sarah pooped anywhere other than the toilet. GO SARAH HAZEL-NUT!!!
7. My husband is loving and faithful even when I am not the wife I should be and even when he doesn't do it the way I want him too.
6. My boys did and AWESOME job of cleaning their room today! I hope they maintain it!
5. I had fun at the laundra mat. I provided me an oppurtunity to work on Emelia's woefully lacking folding skills.
4. At the laundra mat Elijah said, "There's nothing in the world quite like folding laundry with mom!" Awww...
3. My laptop has a new keyboard and works like new! YEAH YEAH YEAH!!!!!!!!!!
2. I have good insurance and can go to the doctor in the morning to seek relief for the horrible eczema outbreak that has surrounded my eyes like a racoon mask and is horribly miserably uncomfortable!
1. God has opened the doors for me to be able to serve and bless 2 other families at church in two totally seperate and unique ways and I am so humbled and blessed by it!
9. Elijah finished all of his school work today AND still had plenty of time for fun! This is HUGE. Unfortunately I think they are both going to have to go back on their medication, but even without medication I am getting a ton more work out of him than the public school system was.
8. I can't remember the last time Sarah pooped anywhere other than the toilet. GO SARAH HAZEL-NUT!!!
7. My husband is loving and faithful even when I am not the wife I should be and even when he doesn't do it the way I want him too.
6. My boys did and AWESOME job of cleaning their room today! I hope they maintain it!
5. I had fun at the laundra mat. I provided me an oppurtunity to work on Emelia's woefully lacking folding skills.
4. At the laundra mat Elijah said, "There's nothing in the world quite like folding laundry with mom!" Awww...
3. My laptop has a new keyboard and works like new! YEAH YEAH YEAH!!!!!!!!!!
2. I have good insurance and can go to the doctor in the morning to seek relief for the horrible eczema outbreak that has surrounded my eyes like a racoon mask and is horribly miserably uncomfortable!
1. God has opened the doors for me to be able to serve and bless 2 other families at church in two totally seperate and unique ways and I am so humbled and blessed by it!
Her arms are strong for their tasks...
I am sooo tired and I still have to grade 2 days worth of school work (usually I don't let it go like that but life is anything but normal right now) but I am so desperate to blog that here I am...
"She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks." ~ Proverbs 31:17
Normally I fall woefully short of being a "Proverbs 31 Woman". In recent years I've found it so impossible to measure up to these standards that in many ways I had completely given up the pursuit. I ask myself, in all seriousness, if I am not awake before my family ready to start my day with a joyful and expectant attitude does that mean I am not a godly woman? However there are times when I will find myself in a place where I know I am exactly where God would have me be and that He is giving me the grace I need for the task in front of me.
A most recent example of this came last week as we were moving from one house to another. We only moved five short miles down the road, but for us it might as well have been across the country for not only did we have to weed out the trash and pack up our belongings but the landlords expected us to leave the old place looking like new. Kinda hard to do when it's 100 years old and rotting from the outside in! I mean, helloooo... that's why we were moving in the first place!
Physical activity is not something that comes easily to me. I was one of those special needs kids with disabilities you can't see. I was born without hip sockets and have suffered with allergies, asthma, and skin issues my entire life. Joint, teeth, and fatigue issues were added to all the rest when I hit puberty and a botched appendectomy at the age of 15 has left me with permanent gastro intestinal issues. Upon hitting adulthood and starting a family I disocovered myself to be one who has difficulty getting pregnant and even more difficulty maintaining a pregnancy.
Normal house work exhausts me, however my God given responsibility of training my children means that I can delegate responsibility to my children. I have two choices: I can constantly clean and have no time or energy left over for them, or I can train them to do it and I can spend quality time with them AND they will be able to function when they hit adulthood.
I found myself with the sole responsibility of painting and cleaning the old house. It was after I had completed painting the living room and dining room, and was scrubbing down the refridgerator and walls with a bleach water solution leaving them shining brightly as if they held a new coat of paint that this word popped into my head. "She sets about her work vigorously, her arms are strong for the task."
Notice the order of that statement. It does not say that she set about her work vigorously because her arms were strong for the task. She set about her work vigrously FIRST. Why were her arms strong for their task? Was it because she spent a certain number of time each day at the gym, on the treadmill in her basement, or jogging around the neighborhood? Somehow, I don't think so. I believe her arms were strong for the task for two reasons. One, because she did not eat the bread of idleness and staying active kept her in good physical shape. But two, and most importantly, because GOD GAVE HER THE STRENGTH TO DO IT!
Each night that I came home from working on that house I literally collapsed in pain. I am in some amount of pain on a good day, and this was rough. I was so tired I could hardly see straight and I just wanted to cry. When I woke in the night I literally hurt so badly I could hardly move. And yet, when morning came I showered, dressed, and went back to work with ease. Why is that? Why were my arms, in this frail disappointing body, so strong for their task? The only answer is Jesus. He gave me just the amount of strength and energy I needed for each days work.
Now if only verse 26 could be truthfully said about me... "When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness."
"She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks." ~ Proverbs 31:17
Normally I fall woefully short of being a "Proverbs 31 Woman". In recent years I've found it so impossible to measure up to these standards that in many ways I had completely given up the pursuit. I ask myself, in all seriousness, if I am not awake before my family ready to start my day with a joyful and expectant attitude does that mean I am not a godly woman? However there are times when I will find myself in a place where I know I am exactly where God would have me be and that He is giving me the grace I need for the task in front of me.
A most recent example of this came last week as we were moving from one house to another. We only moved five short miles down the road, but for us it might as well have been across the country for not only did we have to weed out the trash and pack up our belongings but the landlords expected us to leave the old place looking like new. Kinda hard to do when it's 100 years old and rotting from the outside in! I mean, helloooo... that's why we were moving in the first place!
Physical activity is not something that comes easily to me. I was one of those special needs kids with disabilities you can't see. I was born without hip sockets and have suffered with allergies, asthma, and skin issues my entire life. Joint, teeth, and fatigue issues were added to all the rest when I hit puberty and a botched appendectomy at the age of 15 has left me with permanent gastro intestinal issues. Upon hitting adulthood and starting a family I disocovered myself to be one who has difficulty getting pregnant and even more difficulty maintaining a pregnancy.
Normal house work exhausts me, however my God given responsibility of training my children means that I can delegate responsibility to my children. I have two choices: I can constantly clean and have no time or energy left over for them, or I can train them to do it and I can spend quality time with them AND they will be able to function when they hit adulthood.
I found myself with the sole responsibility of painting and cleaning the old house. It was after I had completed painting the living room and dining room, and was scrubbing down the refridgerator and walls with a bleach water solution leaving them shining brightly as if they held a new coat of paint that this word popped into my head. "She sets about her work vigorously, her arms are strong for the task."
Notice the order of that statement. It does not say that she set about her work vigorously because her arms were strong for the task. She set about her work vigrously FIRST. Why were her arms strong for their task? Was it because she spent a certain number of time each day at the gym, on the treadmill in her basement, or jogging around the neighborhood? Somehow, I don't think so. I believe her arms were strong for the task for two reasons. One, because she did not eat the bread of idleness and staying active kept her in good physical shape. But two, and most importantly, because GOD GAVE HER THE STRENGTH TO DO IT!
Each night that I came home from working on that house I literally collapsed in pain. I am in some amount of pain on a good day, and this was rough. I was so tired I could hardly see straight and I just wanted to cry. When I woke in the night I literally hurt so badly I could hardly move. And yet, when morning came I showered, dressed, and went back to work with ease. Why is that? Why were my arms, in this frail disappointing body, so strong for their task? The only answer is Jesus. He gave me just the amount of strength and energy I needed for each days work.
Now if only verse 26 could be truthfully said about me... "When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness."
Friday, August 28, 2009
Seven Quick Takes... volume 3
Taken from here: http://www.conversiondiary.com/
~~1~~
Crazy is as crazy does. And in this particular case, crazy sent the boys 2 $50 iTunes gift cards for their birthdays... after she already bought them each a brand new iPod Nano. For their birthdays. This is the woman who holds 2 college degrees yet works at a convenience store in order to pay the bare minimum in child support. She also hasn't legally been alone with either of them in over 12 years. To be exact, in October it will be 13 years. She hasn't laid eyes on them in over 3. Yeah, mother of the year material here. But the best part of this story has yet to be told! This woman who is not allowed any contact with these boys without supervision by the individual named by the court told them to write her thank you notes. Why would she want her own children to write her thank you notes you ask? Well, she is concerned that 'some "strapped for cash" person might "trade them in" for something (for example, diapers for a baby)'. Say what?! I kid you not, that is an exact quote! Um, lady if you are so concerned why don't you a) pay real child support b) try being a decent person and c) doing your visits and giving them their gifts in person like a normal decent person would. No problem though, you just pushed them closer to me - their REAL mom. You know, the one who deals with their crap, buys their clothes, supervises their school work, drives them to and fro, and cooks their delicious and nutritiuos meals. The one who has been there when they woke up, went to bed, and all the hours in between every day for the last 4+ year. I may not have birthed them, but I've done more than my fair share of the labor. They're mine!
~~2~~
We are moving on Tuesday. Assuming we can find someone to help me with the furniture and appliances. Unfortunately Super Hubbie has to work and we are stuck having to move during the week. Should be interesting!
~~3~~
Emelia sliced her foot open during Water Night at church on Wednesday. It is healing nicely and wasn't to deep but she lost a huge chunk of skin (I don't understand this as originally it was just a cut and then when I looked at it again after soaking it a huge chunk was missing) and is hobbeling around. She's playing it up for all the drama she's got in her cute little body.
~~4~~
This time next week we will officially have 2 teenagers in the house! Luke will be 13 on Tuesday. Hard to believe!
~~5~~
In reference to Number 1, the boys had a lot of fun picking out their iTunes with their gift cards tonight. Since they don't have individual accounts I sync their iPods to my account (when they are older they can have their own accounts) which means the content on their iPods is identical. Same games, same songs, etc. And when I sync my phone all their songs go on my phone too. To bad I never use the iPod in my iPhone!
~~6~~
AWANA is starting again soon! Joshua and Luke are L.I.T.s (Leader In Training) and they had their dry run today. Joshua works with Cubbie's (preschool) and Luke works with Sparks (lower elementary school). I love AWANA. I love how much my kids learn, I love the fellowship they experience, I love the whole thing. "I have hidden thy word in my heart that I might not sin against you..."
~~7~~
Soccer has started!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Thankful Thursday...
10. Strawberry Daquiri SoBe
9. Celery with cream cheese. Particularly cream cheese mixed with garlic and herb seasoning. WHO KNEW???!!!
8. Rootbeer. All the taste and none of the caffeine. WOOT!
7. Children who are old enough for slave labor... er, I mean helping.
6. That moving day is soon upon us, although I'm not entirely sure how soon. Almost definately in the next week.
5. Despite not being able to organize our homeschool stuff and not doing school every day things are going very smoothly.
4. Strawberry Daquiri SoBe. Oh wait, I said that already didn't I? Ok... how about my iPhone?!
3. I husband who loves me for me even with all my rough and ugly edges.
2. Wednesday night dinners at church.
1. http://marquissclan.blogspot.com/2009/08/surgery-update-number-two.html
9. Celery with cream cheese. Particularly cream cheese mixed with garlic and herb seasoning. WHO KNEW???!!!
8. Rootbeer. All the taste and none of the caffeine. WOOT!
7. Children who are old enough for slave labor... er, I mean helping.
6. That moving day is soon upon us, although I'm not entirely sure how soon. Almost definately in the next week.
5. Despite not being able to organize our homeschool stuff and not doing school every day things are going very smoothly.
4. Strawberry Daquiri SoBe. Oh wait, I said that already didn't I? Ok... how about my iPhone?!
3. I husband who loves me for me even with all my rough and ugly edges.
2. Wednesday night dinners at church.
1. http://marquissclan.blogspot.com/2009/08/surgery-update-number-two.html
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Secret Keeper Mom and her Secret Keeper Girl...
Last summer I bought the Secret Keeper Girl set to do with Emelia. And then, I promptly lost it. It was too overwhelming and the baby was too little, and Emelia wasn't quite emotionally mature enough for it so I set it aside and then mostly forgot about it. I found it the other day and pulled it out to look over and see if we're ready.
Emelia's ready, I just don't know about me. I find it daunting and intimidating in the worst way. Just the thought of doing it gives me stage fright and I don't even know why. My best guess is that Satan ***REALLY*** does not want me to do this. Well, I'm going to anyway.
Our first date is supposed to be a Tea Party. So, I am in the process of picking out a really froo froo Tea House to take her too, just the two of us. We'll get all dressed up and we'll go have tea and we'll talk about how valuable she is and the importance of the way that she (and I!) presents herself to the world. Another thing I will do in preparation is to buy us each a special fine china or porcelein tea cup to use for our tea, which we can keep and always look at to remind us of the value God has given us as women.
As much as it scares me to death, as inadequate as I feel, it excites me at the same time. I will keep you posted! If you have a daughter who is old enough, I strongly suggest you do the Secret Keeper Dates with her too.
Emelia's ready, I just don't know about me. I find it daunting and intimidating in the worst way. Just the thought of doing it gives me stage fright and I don't even know why. My best guess is that Satan ***REALLY*** does not want me to do this. Well, I'm going to anyway.
Our first date is supposed to be a Tea Party. So, I am in the process of picking out a really froo froo Tea House to take her too, just the two of us. We'll get all dressed up and we'll go have tea and we'll talk about how valuable she is and the importance of the way that she (and I!) presents herself to the world. Another thing I will do in preparation is to buy us each a special fine china or porcelein tea cup to use for our tea, which we can keep and always look at to remind us of the value God has given us as women.
As much as it scares me to death, as inadequate as I feel, it excites me at the same time. I will keep you posted! If you have a daughter who is old enough, I strongly suggest you do the Secret Keeper Dates with her too.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Thankful Thursday... better late than never!
10. Back to School shopping is done! I've bought the yearly sock and underware stash and Josh and Luke's backpacks are bought and filled. I'm not eager for them to go back, but I'm thankful the stuff is bought and done.
9. We are moving. Did I mention that? I am sooo thankful that we will have a bigger house. I love the location of this house but it is TOO SMALL. And it's super old and falling apart.
8. Super Hubbie brought home cherry italian ice's.
7. It's raining and I don't have to go anywhere which means I get to enjoy it!
6. Homeschooling. I am really enjoying it and I know I will enjoy it more when the year officially starts.
5. Fully stocked kitchen means I've been doing some great cooking! Tonight is simple comfort food - meatloaf and mashed potatoes.
4. Tomorrow I am making my famous salad and heading out for a girls day. I may never come home. ROTFLOL!
3. I got to go to Target today. All by myself!
2. AWANA is starting again soon!
1. The lawn is mowed and the holes in our plaster walls are patched.
9. We are moving. Did I mention that? I am sooo thankful that we will have a bigger house. I love the location of this house but it is TOO SMALL. And it's super old and falling apart.
8. Super Hubbie brought home cherry italian ice's.
7. It's raining and I don't have to go anywhere which means I get to enjoy it!
6. Homeschooling. I am really enjoying it and I know I will enjoy it more when the year officially starts.
5. Fully stocked kitchen means I've been doing some great cooking! Tonight is simple comfort food - meatloaf and mashed potatoes.
4. Tomorrow I am making my famous salad and heading out for a girls day. I may never come home. ROTFLOL!
3. I got to go to Target today. All by myself!
2. AWANA is starting again soon!
1. The lawn is mowed and the holes in our plaster walls are patched.
Seven Quick Takes, Vol 2.
From here: http://www.conversiondiary.com/2009/08/7-quick-takes-friday-vol-48.html
~~1~~
I hired someone to finish the upstairs bathroom. He's up there doing it right now. The tile is mostly laid, and he's installing the toilet right now. I can not describe to you my happiness. One bathroom for 7 people is doable, but not comfortably!
~~2~~
We still don't have a move in date. We're waiting on the current tenants of the house to be out so we can put everything in motion. We also have our landlord coming on Sunday to look at the house. No, no stress here!
~~3~~
My heart hurts for a lady I know. Badly. I've lived in her shoes, walked where she is walking now. Her husband has lost his job and their home because of his sin issues and she and her children have to pay the price. The sin of Akin... so not fair. But then again, if life was fair not one of us would stand a chance. We would all be headed to hell with no hope for salvation. I pray she has the grace and mercy to walk in forgiveness to her husband. And I so wish that he would be humbled and accountable.
~~4~~
I saw a double rainbow today and so wish I had a camera that would capture it. I was driving when I saw it though so I wouldn't have been able too. It was absolutely stunning though!
~~5~~
Super Hubbie got the lawn mowed just in time... it's raining and we're supposed to have a big storm coming in tomorrow.
~~6~~
The down side is that if rains tomorrow it will interfere with my long awaited pool party/girls day with my friends. I am waaaay to undersocialized these days and my life shows the stress of it. We will still get together regardless, but it wont be as fun for the kids and much more stressful for the moms.
~~7~~
If you give a teen a cell phone...
If you buy a teen a cell phone, you will tell him that it is for your purposes and not his.
And if you tell him it is for your purposes and not his you will tell him to keep it plugged in on the microwave when he is at home.
And if you tell him to keep it plugged in on the microwave at home he will think he knows better than you, because after all, he is 14.
And if he thinks he knows better than you he will walk around the yard with his cell phone in his pocket.
And if he walks around the yard with his cell phone in his pocket, it will fall out.
And if it falls out he will not notice it.
And if he does not notice it, it will happen while his father is mowing the yard.
And if it happens while his father is mowing the yard his father will not notice it either.
And if the father does not notice it, he will pulverize it with the lawn mower.
And if the father pulverizes the cell phone with the lawn mower, the teen will wish he had left it plugged in in the house.
And if you tell him it is for your purposes and not his you will tell him to keep it plugged in on the microwave when he is at home.
And if you tell him to keep it plugged in on the microwave at home he will think he knows better than you, because after all, he is 14.
And if he thinks he knows better than you he will walk around the yard with his cell phone in his pocket.
And if he walks around the yard with his cell phone in his pocket, it will fall out.
And if it falls out he will not notice it.
And if he does not notice it, it will happen while his father is mowing the yard.
And if it happens while his father is mowing the yard his father will not notice it either.
And if the father does not notice it, he will pulverize it with the lawn mower.
And if the father pulverizes the cell phone with the lawn mower, the teen will wish he had left it plugged in in the house.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Dishonest estimates...
"Because of the privilege and authority God has given me, I give each of you this warning: Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us. Just as our bodies have many parts and each part has a special function, so it is with Christ’s body. We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other." ~ Romans 12:3-5
Just a little warning, I'm about to use this passage out of context a little bit. However I do not think I am changing the meaning.
This passage is talking about not thinking we are more holy than we really are. However, I propose that it works the other way as well. Sometimes we focus too far the other way. We see all that is bad and sinful within us and we think "how can God possibly use me?!"
This morning as I was sitting in church I was watching one of the other mothers. She had 3 of her 5 children with her in service. This is a woman who I greatly admire and would like to know better. She always seems totally calm and "with it". Even when life has been hard (and lately life has indeed been hard for her) she seems at peace, unruffled. Her children are always happy and joyful and show a great deal of interest in those around them and treat others with respect.
As I sat there admiring the way this woman was with her children, and the way her children were so obviously enjoying each other I was tempted to be envious. Much the way I feel a bit envious of Michelle Duggar when I watch the show 18 Kids and Counting.
Does she ever lose it? Does she ever have it up to "here" after giving the same instruction too the same child for the 5th time? Does she ever feel like running away from home because no matter how many times she sets her children up to suceed they continue to refuse to follow the rules and guidelines she has set out for them? Does she ever cry and yell out of frustration she feels over being disrespected?
And that's when it hit me.
From the outside looking in we can all appear to be the perfect Proverbs 31 woman. Anyone who didn't look to closely at me might come to the wrong conclusion that I have it all together. Reality is I know what it takes to make this home run successfully. The problem is that there are 6 other independant human beings with their own sinful wills and priorities.
I can go to church and put on the perfect mom face. And... monkey see, monkey do. My kids are also going to put on the "perfect Christian" face. When we are around others we all play the part. The break from reality leaves us feeling relaxed and happy. We smile, laugh, and treat each other with respect. We do it as naturally as breathing. And then we get in our cars and drive home feeling like we can never measure up to so and so.
The grass is always greener in other families. Other wives are prettier. Better house keepers. Wiser disciplinarians. Everyone else is always more.
"What sorrow for those who are wise in their own eye and think themselves so clever." ~ Isaiah 5:21
Seriously guys. I'll be the first person to admit that I fail my family. Big time. I have sin issues. I yell. I use words I should not use. All the time. I am severly lacking in patience and grace.
But that is not all there is to me. If that is all I see myself as then I am NOT being honest in my estimation of myself. There is so much more to me than that and I sin AGAIN by judging myself by only that. Especially when God came so far and gave so much to cover my short comings.
The bottom line is this: at the end of the day, the people I love are crazy about me. And they love me enough to look past my rough edges. They might behave disrespectfully, but they are "but dust". They are sinners just like me.
Why should I expect more of them than I do of myself? And why do I insist on beating myself up? Why do I persist in wallowing in the muck which is the lies Satan has sold me?
Honest in my estimation of myself: I am a sinner, covered in the blood of THE Sacrificial Lamb. I am a faithful and playful lover and companion to my husband. I am an excellent home organizer, and my family's behaviors do not change that. I am an active and involved parent. I care deeply and invest myself completely in my children's lives - physical, spiritual, and emotional. Some people have much bigger problems than to have to be subjected to my sin issues on a daily basis.
Back to my friend at church. She claims that she yells at her kids just like the rest of us. I can't imagine it. Really, I can't! But maybe, just maybe, behind closed door she fails just like me. And maybe, just maybe, I'm as good of a mom as she is.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Inspiration...
Things that inspire me:
~ God. The One True God who lives in and through me. The Creator of the world I live in and provides me with every good thing. The God who sacrified His only Son to pay for my sins so that He could have fellowship with me. The One who I owe everything, yet can pay nothing.
~ Super Hubbie. He is my best friend. He is my tender warrior. The one who fights to be the godly leader of our family that God has called Him to be. And when he fails and is discouraged he does not quit or give up. He dusts himself off and gets back on the road and works to be and do what God has made him for.
~ My children. The ones I would die for one minute and want to kill the next. The ones who can be so infuriating and yet humble me. The ones who quarrel with each other yet are lost without each other. The ones who long to live lives that are reflections of God. The ones who, despite their childishness and sinfulness have tender souls that put others before themselves. The ones who are so eager to learn about and explore the world in which they live.
~ Other Christian women. I wont name names, but there are those in whom I can see attributes of God. I see their failures, but I also see glimpses of who I wish I was.
~ World worn people. These are people who do not live lives that are pleasing to God. They stand to remind me of all that is at stake in life and how easy it is to fall short of God's standard. They stand to remind me of why God came and why I need Him. They stand to remind me that I am supposed to share Him with others.
~ Music. Music is the thread that holds me together. It expresses the very essence of who I am. I love to sing. I love to worship God in song. He made me musical. I feel Him urging me to use this for Him, but I am not sure of exactly what that is supposed to look like.
~ Photography. Boy do I miss my camera! I can not WAIT to replace it!!! I absolutely love looking at the world through the lens of the camera... especially capturing God's artwork in nature. The way the light shines through and hits things... amazing!
~ God. The One True God who lives in and through me. The Creator of the world I live in and provides me with every good thing. The God who sacrified His only Son to pay for my sins so that He could have fellowship with me. The One who I owe everything, yet can pay nothing.
~ Super Hubbie. He is my best friend. He is my tender warrior. The one who fights to be the godly leader of our family that God has called Him to be. And when he fails and is discouraged he does not quit or give up. He dusts himself off and gets back on the road and works to be and do what God has made him for.
~ My children. The ones I would die for one minute and want to kill the next. The ones who can be so infuriating and yet humble me. The ones who quarrel with each other yet are lost without each other. The ones who long to live lives that are reflections of God. The ones who, despite their childishness and sinfulness have tender souls that put others before themselves. The ones who are so eager to learn about and explore the world in which they live.
~ Other Christian women. I wont name names, but there are those in whom I can see attributes of God. I see their failures, but I also see glimpses of who I wish I was.
~ World worn people. These are people who do not live lives that are pleasing to God. They stand to remind me of all that is at stake in life and how easy it is to fall short of God's standard. They stand to remind me of why God came and why I need Him. They stand to remind me that I am supposed to share Him with others.
~ Music. Music is the thread that holds me together. It expresses the very essence of who I am. I love to sing. I love to worship God in song. He made me musical. I feel Him urging me to use this for Him, but I am not sure of exactly what that is supposed to look like.
~ Photography. Boy do I miss my camera! I can not WAIT to replace it!!! I absolutely love looking at the world through the lens of the camera... especially capturing God's artwork in nature. The way the light shines through and hits things... amazing!
Friday, August 14, 2009
Seven Quick Takes... vol. 1!
I got this here http://marquissclan.blogspot.com/ and she got it here http://www.conversiondiary.com/ . AND, if I wasn't such a loser I would be able to make the word "here" be the link. But I don't know how, so deal.
- moving to a bigger house in this county
cons:
* no option to buy
In the end we decided to go with option number 2 and should be moving at the end of the month if all goes well.
~~~Number 1~~
We're moving and we're 99% sure we know where we're going. The choices were:
- moving out of the county to a house we could eventually buy
cons:
*Super Hubbie's commute would be 20 miles longer, making it a grand total of 92 miles 1 way!!!
*big boys would have to move to the schools in the other county. This is a negative for a couple of reasons but a big one is the other county does not have an NJROTC program, which Joshua is really excited about starting this year.
- moving out of the county to a house we could eventually buy
cons:
*Super Hubbie's commute would be 20 miles longer, making it a grand total of 92 miles 1 way!!!
*big boys would have to move to the schools in the other county. This is a negative for a couple of reasons but a big one is the other county does not have an NJROTC program, which Joshua is really excited about starting this year.
- moving to a bigger house in this county
cons:
* no option to buy
In the end we decided to go with option number 2 and should be moving at the end of the month if all goes well.
~~Number 2~~
Joshua (14) is starting high school this fall. If that weren't enough he is also going to be in NJROTC. When did he get to be so grown up?! I can't believe we've only got him home for 4 more years, He definately has the teenage "don't tell me what to do" attitude going on. It's frustrating how he can go from sweet to nasty in the blink of an eye. It's going to be very hard dropping him off at that high school campus. It will be even harder the first time we see him in his NJROTC uniform.
~~Number 3~~
I made this deliciousness for dinner last night and despite being a total experiment it was soooo yummy!!! The kids devoured it.
~~ Number 4~~
I'm going to be an aunty again! My brother and his wife are expecting baby number 2 in February. This will make Ian a big brother at the ripe old age of 15 months. I know most people think that is too close but in my opinion it is just about perfect! I really prefered having them close and really wish Sarah was going to have a close in age sibling.
~~ Number 5~~
Been trying for number 6 for over a year with no luck. I am so frustrated I've turned to Soy Isoflavones. We'll see how that works out for us.
~~ Number 6~~
Super Hubbie has been talking about getting a motorcycle. If he does decide to do that I wont try to stop him, but I'm not all together sure how I feel about the whole idea. Being that I was almost an only child because of a motorcycle my dad was fortunate to survive when I was a baby it makes me a bit apprehensive. But I'm not totally opposed to the idea either.
~~ Number 7 ~~
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