Reflections and Revelations...

I've always believed that the reason God gave me Elijah was because He knew how much Emelia would need him. It just seemed too coincidental that the only "accidental" pregnancy among years of difficulty conceiving and several pregnancy losses would follow on the heals of the birth of a intense personality who thrives on social interaction.

By the same token, I've wondered over the last few years why God allowed the boys bio mom to get pregnant with Luke so soon after the birth of Joshua when she clearly wasn't handling the whole motherhood thing very well and finding it to be much more than she bargained for and more sacrifice than she was willing to make. From my fleshly persepctive this seemed a harsh and perhaps fool hardy thing for God to do (although I never allowed myself to admit I was thinking of God's actions in those terms). It seemed to me that this exacerbated an already volatile situation.

However, last night as I was looking at the face of my sweet baby God revealed some truths to me about that situation, our family, and my children's sibling relationships.

I have wished for some time that God would give Sarah a close in age sibling as He did for each of my other children. Joshua and Luke are 14 months apart, Emelia and Elijah just under 19 months. There are 2 years seperating Luke and Emelia creating a nice bridge to bind the 4 of them together and keeping a certain closeness between Joshua and Elijah.

Frustratingly, at this rate even if I were to conceive and succesfully carry a pregnancy there would be more than 2 years between Sarah and that child, with a whopping 8 years between her next closest sibling. Last night Sarah came into our bed in the middle of the night and as I was watching her sleep I wondered what it would be like if there were another baby in additon to her curling up with me in the night.

And that, my friends, is when it hit me. That is precisely why there is a Luke. Bio mom's lackings as a nurturing mother and responsible caretaker are PRECISELY why God sent Luke to this earth. Because... are you ready for this???!!! Josh needed him. My understanding of relationship needs and the power and influence one small baby can have on someone elses world changed in that moment.

Yes, a new baby added more stress to the situation. However, he did not make it worse. Bio mom was/is an adult and is responsible for her own choices. We each have stress and difficulties in our lives and we can go one of two ways with that. We can respond with grace and maturity, turning our focus and lives towards Jesus and leaning on Him and those He has placed in our lives. Or we can choose to tantrum and fight and complain and make life hellacious for everyone around you, terrorizing those who love you and want what is best for you.

She chose the later, and while the combined result was Luke having to suffer for her actions, his very existence lightened Joshua's suffering. It alleviated his loneliness while she tended to everything but him as she went about her day, and later provided him a companion during the hours he was left with strangers while his father had to leave him long enough to draw a paycheck... and even more when she violated the court order and ran off with them filling their lives with uncertainty and removing every bit of stability they had.

As much as Joshua sheltered and protected his younger brother when they were little, I wonder if he realizes how much Luke sheltered and protected him. I wonder if he realizes that after Jesus his brother is the very best friend he could ever have. That because of Luke he did not have to live through those experiences alone. That no one else can relate to where he's been, what he's been through, and how it has shaped him. Other friends might be cooler, less annoying, and have better habits. But none of them will ever understand or be there for him like his brother will. I hope that one day as he matures from a boy into a man he will come to fully understand what a precious gift he has been given.

Which brings me back to Sarah. God hasn't sent her a little brother or sister yet because she doesn't NEED one. She has stability and nurturing from her parents, she doesn't need to draw it from her sibling(s). While her siblings are not her peers, at this point in her life they fill her need for companionship. And because of all of the above she gets to be a baby for as long as she needs too. I still want another baby now though. Please Jesus?!