What is the deal with people who create drama and confusion in their own lives and relationships? At what point do you stop allowing your world, most notably interpersonal relationships, to stop being driven by your insecurities and allow the Holy Spirit to take the wheel? This is something that truly confounds me.
I was a special needs child. I was born with no hip sockets, severe allergies, asthma and eczema. In addition to this I struggled with a learning disability. This combined with my mothers influence, founded by her inaccurate perception of the world due to a her own horrible childhood, made for a very uncertain and insecure little girl who did not know how to interact with other children. Because of my severe skin issues and my family being very poor I dressed differently than the other children. We did not have money for the cute name brand clothes the other girls wore and it was necessary to hide my raw oozing skin, for when the other children saw it they would not play with me for fear of catching it and were exceedingly cruel.
My asthma and hip/joint issues inhibited me from the athletic activities the other children enjoyed and my allergies left me feeling drained and irritable. This added to my inability connect to my peers - I simply could not keep up with them.
Academically I struggled. It was a banner day if I managed to achieve a grade above a D and being in Christian school meant that my teachers had no concept of ADD and had no idea how to help me, or any concept that I needed help and wasn't just being lazy. To add to that I had some horrible teachers who's treatment of me bordered on abuse (looking back it was far fewer teachers than it felt at the time). My teachers would rebuke me in front of my classmates rather than encourage me, accentuating the chasm that already lay between us.
There were some serious issues going on at home that bled into the way I interacted with others at church and school as well.
When I gave my life to Christ in the middle of my 6th grade year I was able to face my social and academic struggles with a little less despair but it wouldn't be until well into my adult years that I began to realize that my perceptions of the way others perceive me are often inaccurate.
You see, inside this 30 something woman is a little girl with ghostly pale skin and thin brown hair who has weepy eyes, a constantly runny nose, and sores all over her body. The odd little girl nobody wants to play with because she dresses funny, and acts weird.
However, that is not where my identity comes from. That girl has died and been raised into new life with Christ. He is where her worth and meaning come from. He has extended much grace to me and while I still tend to be overly critical and judgmental of other's failings I also long to offer mercy and grace.
It seems I am surrounded by other women who allow themselves to continue to be crippled by the sufferings of this fallen world. They build a wall around themselves and defend themselves by attacking anyone who comes too close for their comfort. They begin pushing people away without ever trying to get to know them. They make unfair and inaccurate judgments about people they barely know and only allow those into their inner circle who will not challenge them.
These are Christian women I am referring to. People who claim to know and love God yet are hateful and divisive, using their own self righteousness as a shield.
God has called us to take down our walls. He has called us to live in FULL surrender to Him. That means we reach out to and love people because they are His creation, not because they deserve it. That verse that says we are to "make allowances for each other's faults" (Ephesians 4:2) applies to ALL Christians in ALL circumstances. If we can't love them then we must ask God to love them through us. We must be willing to face rejection and persecution for His name sake. The people and tasks He calls us to will not always be popular, but He brings these thorns into our lives to better us and to bring glory to Himself.
It's not about me. Or you. It's not about being comfortable. It's all about Him.
Lord, give me a tender heart. Soften me so I am reachable and can reach those around me. Teach me to love the unlovely. Help me to walk with my head held high and remove every trace of fear of man from my life. Your perfect love casts out all fear - help me to live that with all of my might!
About Me
- mothergoose518
- Somewhat Crunchy, Old Fashioned, Fundamental Bible Believing Christian.
Full time stay at home mom to many.
(Two by choice, Six by birth, Eight in Heaven)
Infertility, miscarriage, and stillbirth survivor.
College student. Relaxed homeschooler. Molder of hearts and minds. Cheerer of ball games.
Lover of books. Stringer of words. Wanna be photographer.
Passionate lover and helper of my Super Hubbie!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
Between a rock and a hard place...
On Monday evening my cell phone rang and it was a number from Northern Virginia I didn't recognize. I don't answer calls from numbers I don't know so I let it go to voice mail. Only they didn't leave a message, but called back. Again I ignored it (while doing a reverse telephone number search online to determine if it was a land line or cell phone to see if I could figure out who was calling me) again allowing it to go to voice mail.
This time the caller left a message. It was Joshua and Luke's (half - same biological mother, different dads - but we don't do "halves" or "steps", believing that ALL sibling relationships have equal value and importance) little sister who is just shy of 12 years old. She sounded so sad and unsure of what to say and said she was calling to wish Josh and Luke a Merry Christmas. I pulled out an old letter from bio mom and sure enough it was the little girl's personal cell phone number. We are wondering if she found the number and snuck and called it on her own or if someone (her mother) put her up to it. Likely it was the later.
As parents this sent our emotions into a tizzy. Our heart goes out to this little girl - while we don't know exactly what goes on in that home we have a good idea and we know it to not be a healthy environment for a child to grow up in. Her life lacks stability and she is being raised with a very shaky foundation. Not to mention she has spent her entire childhood seperated from her siblings. She has two big brothers who are powerless to protect her as big brothers do and she has absolutely no concept of what a sibling relationship is all about. At no point in her life has she ever spent more than a couple of hours at a time in the same room as them (unless you count bio mom abducting Josh and Luke when they were 3 and 2 and running off with them and their sister who was an infant, but she was caught in less than a month and it was 2 years before the siblings were reunited and even then visits have always been sketchy and irregular.
Our initial knee-jerk reaction was to wonder if we could find some way for their sister to have contact with Joshua and Luke. We have practically begged and pleaded with the grandmother to work with us to facilitate a relationship between them even if bio mom is unwilling to be part of the boy's lives. We are stonewalled at every turn and because this is someone else's minor child. There is nothing we can do. And it breaks our hearts.
We have offered visits to the grandmother (Bio mom stopped doing her visits 3 years ago. Again.) for herself and the sister. We created email accounts for the boys so that they could easily contact them. Nothing.
My heart aches for this little girl. I wish there was some way that we could reach her, but sadly at the age she is now the damage is already done. What will be will be... we just have to wait for them to come of age so they can have a relationship separate from their mother. My mother heart worries that that will never happen. There will always be room here for her if she wants to be a part of us, but with the lies she is being told that may never happen. But I know that God is bigger than this situation. I pray a hedge of protection around her. I pray that He will guard her jealously for Himself and that she will come to know Him personally. I pray that her heart will find Him, the truth, and a close loving relationship with her big brothers.
This time the caller left a message. It was Joshua and Luke's (half - same biological mother, different dads - but we don't do "halves" or "steps", believing that ALL sibling relationships have equal value and importance) little sister who is just shy of 12 years old. She sounded so sad and unsure of what to say and said she was calling to wish Josh and Luke a Merry Christmas. I pulled out an old letter from bio mom and sure enough it was the little girl's personal cell phone number. We are wondering if she found the number and snuck and called it on her own or if someone (her mother) put her up to it. Likely it was the later.
As parents this sent our emotions into a tizzy. Our heart goes out to this little girl - while we don't know exactly what goes on in that home we have a good idea and we know it to not be a healthy environment for a child to grow up in. Her life lacks stability and she is being raised with a very shaky foundation. Not to mention she has spent her entire childhood seperated from her siblings. She has two big brothers who are powerless to protect her as big brothers do and she has absolutely no concept of what a sibling relationship is all about. At no point in her life has she ever spent more than a couple of hours at a time in the same room as them (unless you count bio mom abducting Josh and Luke when they were 3 and 2 and running off with them and their sister who was an infant, but she was caught in less than a month and it was 2 years before the siblings were reunited and even then visits have always been sketchy and irregular.
Our initial knee-jerk reaction was to wonder if we could find some way for their sister to have contact with Joshua and Luke. We have practically begged and pleaded with the grandmother to work with us to facilitate a relationship between them even if bio mom is unwilling to be part of the boy's lives. We are stonewalled at every turn and because this is someone else's minor child. There is nothing we can do. And it breaks our hearts.
We have offered visits to the grandmother (Bio mom stopped doing her visits 3 years ago. Again.) for herself and the sister. We created email accounts for the boys so that they could easily contact them. Nothing.
My heart aches for this little girl. I wish there was some way that we could reach her, but sadly at the age she is now the damage is already done. What will be will be... we just have to wait for them to come of age so they can have a relationship separate from their mother. My mother heart worries that that will never happen. There will always be room here for her if she wants to be a part of us, but with the lies she is being told that may never happen. But I know that God is bigger than this situation. I pray a hedge of protection around her. I pray that He will guard her jealously for Himself and that she will come to know Him personally. I pray that her heart will find Him, the truth, and a close loving relationship with her big brothers.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
There is a way which seems right to a man...
I am always amazed at how defensive professing Christian parents get over the subjects of Santa Claus, Halloween, and the Easter Bunny. And it is never the parents who choose not to incorporate these icons of the world into their homes and families who become defensive. No, the defense comes as a justification of their choices.
In my view, plain and simple, it is idolatry. Each is something that purposefully takes focus away from God, robs Him of the glory due His Name and projects it else where. Such seemingly innocent tools with such a powerful objective. So cunning that were we not watchful and mindful, wise as serpents and innocent as doves, we would miss it and fall straight into the trap.
I have to wonder, if they truly believe that these choices they have made - purely because it makes them feel good and not out of an effort to glorify and please God - are the right ones, why do they need so much defense? If you truly believe what you are doing is right and good why must you argue that point like a jack hammer into the ground, mocking and demeaning the other persons choice while you do it.
"There is a path before each person that seems right, but it ends in death." Proverbs 14:12
I can hear the angry choruses now. "Doing Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, or Halloween isn't going to cause my family to die."
Hmmm... maybe not directly. But isn't that exactly what satan convinced Eve about a simple piece of fruit?
"Dear friends, I warn you as “temporary residents and foreigners” to keep away from worldly desires that wage war against your very souls... For you are free, yet you are God’s slaves, so don’t use your freedom as an excuse to do evil." 1 Peter 2:11, 16
Why? Why oh why are we trying so hard to look like the world, be like the world, fit into the world???!!! We are supposed to be different. Set apart. How can they see Jesus in us if we look and act just like them? (This is not to say I do not have my own faults and failings in the "looking and acting like the world" department - trust me, I live under conviction!)
Dare to be different! Dare to give up things that are fun but don't have any real benefit in your life. Soli deo gloria - to God ALONE be the glory!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There is a path before each person that seems right...
In my view, plain and simple, it is idolatry. Each is something that purposefully takes focus away from God, robs Him of the glory due His Name and projects it else where. Such seemingly innocent tools with such a powerful objective. So cunning that were we not watchful and mindful, wise as serpents and innocent as doves, we would miss it and fall straight into the trap.
""Everything is permissible"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible"—but not everything is constructive. Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others... So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." 1 Corinthians 10:23,24, 31
I have to wonder, if they truly believe that these choices they have made - purely because it makes them feel good and not out of an effort to glorify and please God - are the right ones, why do they need so much defense? If you truly believe what you are doing is right and good why must you argue that point like a jack hammer into the ground, mocking and demeaning the other persons choice while you do it.
"There is a path before each person that seems right, but it ends in death." Proverbs 14:12
I can hear the angry choruses now. "Doing Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, or Halloween isn't going to cause my family to die."
Hmmm... maybe not directly. But isn't that exactly what satan convinced Eve about a simple piece of fruit?
"Dear friends, I warn you as “temporary residents and foreigners” to keep away from worldly desires that wage war against your very souls... For you are free, yet you are God’s slaves, so don’t use your freedom as an excuse to do evil." 1 Peter 2:11, 16
Why? Why oh why are we trying so hard to look like the world, be like the world, fit into the world???!!! We are supposed to be different. Set apart. How can they see Jesus in us if we look and act just like them? (This is not to say I do not have my own faults and failings in the "looking and acting like the world" department - trust me, I live under conviction!)
Dare to be different! Dare to give up things that are fun but don't have any real benefit in your life. Soli deo gloria - to God ALONE be the glory!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There is a path before each person that seems right...
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