Fading into the past...

This is a little something I submitted as an Op-Ed piece to the Washington Post. I'm sure nothing will come of it, but I felt burdened to try!

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It has been 70 years since the start of the Second World War. As such those who so valiantly served not just our country, but the World in which we live are beginning to fade into the pages of history. My Great Grandpa and Great Grandpa Wilson had four sons, all of whom served in the U.S. Navy for various lengths of time. Each joining as he came of age during WWII. I have never been able to hear more than snipets of their stories as my grandfather was killed in a tragic construction accident while my father and his brother were still young boys.

I am now a 30 something wife and mother of 5 children. My husband is a nurse and history buff and has had the great privaledge of sitting at the bedside of some of America’s true heros listening to their tales of bravery and sacrifice. He has passed on to our children a hunger to learn about America’s past, delving into who we really are and where we really came from. We tour different museums and my children listen spellbound as Veterans tell them details of past wars and educate them with first hand knowledge of stories taught sketchily in our public schools. Details fill my children’s senses, making our past relevant and vital to who they are.

The days of hearing these first hand accounts are slipping away before our eyes. America is losing it’s greatest treasures to an era gone by. Our Veterans are slipping into the after life, their lives a mere vapor fading into the mist hovering over the oceans which they traveled so many years ago. These are the last of a generation of Honor. They had much to teach us, and we failed to listen. Perhaps if we had walked in their footsteps instead of paving our own way America wouldn’t be facing each day with fear and trepidation.

America has no great leaders because we have forgotten the core values that made these men heros. Instead we search for instant gratification. We have forgotten what it means to be our brother’s keeper and instead only care about number one. We don’t ask what we can do for our country, but seek to find out what is in it for ourselves. We refuse sacrifice and indulge only in that which will bring us pleasure. We are not true to anyone – not ourselves, our marriages, our children and certainly not our God and Country.

It is time for America’s parents to wake up. We need to return to the ideals which made these Veteran’s lives great and worthy of celebration. We need to listen to this generation before it is too late and we need to proudly stand against that which is wrong even when it feels right. If we do not return to America’s core values she will be lost. As each freedom these men gave their lives for is stripped away, their blood will be on our hands. America has certainly forgotten the whys and the hows of how our country is meant to be run. We’ve perilously lost site of why we fight to defend our freedoms.

Reach out connect with our aging Veteran’s. The median age of WWII veterans when the last census was taken was 76.7 years old. Time is running out and we have much to learn.

For information on volunteering, adopting a veteran, or finding a veteran pen pal please visit: http://www.afrh.gov/afrh/team/vol/volunteer.htm

C. Melodie C. Miller

The biting "stage"...

There's a post on a debate board I read at about whether or not biting is a "normal stage". I typed up my response then decided not to post it but I didn't want to waste all that writing either. So... here it is!


Some children bite when they are teething. I have a child who used to accidentally bite when giving kisses as a toddler because she was so intense and got carried away. Some children bite out of anger and frustration. I also had one of these but fortunately I nipped it in the bud. It's certainly normal for them to try it at least once or twice.

There is definately a stage where they are unable to understand that it causes pain to the person being bit. I think whether biting becomes a "stage" or not depends with how it is dealt with by the parent and/or child care provider when the child first trys biting people.

If a toddler doesn't learn that biting is not acceptable it's going to be a lot harder to curb the behavior when he decides to use it in his arsenal of ways to lash out. Toddlers and preschoolers need supervised socialization to guide them in learning how to navigate personal relationships and develop problem solving skills.

In the day care and preschool situations I've worked in many of the "teachers" tended to gab during play time rather than working with and interacting with the children. I've seen moms do this at public play areas and private play groups as well.

I do think it is learned in that if he is succesful at biting in anger and has the satisfaction of punishing the person who has offended him and the caregiver does not react in a way that deters him he has nothing to motivate him not to do it again. If the bite is worth the consequence why would he stop, KWIM? Instant gratification.

If the caregiver is hands on, watching and paying attention, they can stop and redirect the biter before contact is ever made. I have found that to be the very best way to curb and stop biting dead in it's tracks. And if the biter is succesful the consequnce needs to be swift, immediate, firm, and consistant.
~ A former biter (...who still likes to bite but refrains...)

Thankful Thursday

10. Being a stay at home mom. I have many MANY reasons for which I am thankful for this, especially since I believe that spiritually it's an obedience thing, but right now it's a bit specific. Sarah is getting molars. Plural. She is also going through seperation anxiety. I. Am. Exhausted!!!

9. Naps. 'Nough said!

8. My friend Gillian's husband, Brian. He resurrected my near dead van. It was on the verge of dying and now it's running smoothly again. He did a full tune up and found it was running on 2 of 6 cylinders. He said it was only by the grace of God that it was still running. He also replaced the radiator and when he took out the old one the hose to the transmition fluid ruptured flooding his garage with transmition oi.. If that hose had ruptured at home or while I was driving we'd never have been able to tell and would have killed the transmition. God is so good!

7. My van. It's 12 years old. The transmition on these vans usually max out at 80k miles... I'm well over 200k! It's the van that wont die! LOL... And it's paid for. (Although it really does need to be replaced... but for now we need it and I am thankful for it!)

6. Girl Scout Cookies!!!!!! Mmmmm!!!!

5. Wednesday night church. I think I shared this one last week but it's still true. The teaching is really meaty which I LOVE. It's also expository teaching which is my FAVORITE!

4. My baby brother is back from his deployment and will be home on leave soon!!! We haven't seen him since August!

3. My other baby brother is moving from Camp Lejuene to Norfolk for the next stage of his training. And apparently when he's done with that he'll be stationed in the DC area! Whoot!!!

2. YMCA membership. So far I've only taken the kids swimming (indoor pool) and haven't utelized the rest of the Y yet. There is a cardio pool exercise class 3 mornings a week that I think I might try. It's just a matter of deciding how I feel about leaving Sarah in the child care provided at the Y. We'll be pretty much be living there this summer seeing as how we don't have air conditioning and they do... and a pool... and a Wii... and DDR... and an air hockey table... and a ping pong table... among other things!

1. Breakfast dates with my Super Hubbie!!! There's nothing better!!!

The brother that isn't...

One thing I haven't shared much about is the revelation I received around Christmas time that around the time that my ex chose to sign away his parental rights to the children we had together while we were married he also took on a new wife. Knowing D as I do I knew that he either had a live in girl friend or was remarried - he is the epitamy fo codependant and can not be alone. Not to mention his lack of ability to remain monogamous during our marriage meant that he wasn't likely to be sitting around focusing on making things right in his life but rather doing anything he could to fill the empty places in his soul that God can fill. Instead of allowing God to fulfill him he turns to things, people, and sex.

My greatest fear was not that he would remarry. That was a given and I can only wonder about what kind of woman would choose to marry a man who pretends at Christianity while turning his back on his children and purses instant gratification at every turn. What kind of a story has he told her? What lies has his family participated in? I am totally curious, but I have very little pitty. Whoever she is she is an adult who jumped in with both feet and is now in over her head. I know that if it were me I would have wanted to talk to the ex wife or at least see some proof that his story is as he said. Before Gene and I married I poured over hundreds of pages of court documents, psychiatrist reports, and statements from various GAL's and visitation supervisors. I knew exactly what I was getting into and I knew that I wasn't being sold a fraudulent bill of goods.

No, my greatest fear was children.

Emelia has voiced to me over and over the last several years her deep concern that Dave would marry again and in her words "do this to another family". She was saddened by her own situation, but she has been covered with so much love and grace that she doesn't fear for herself.

What hasn't occured to either Emelia or Elijah is the thought that those children would biologically be related to them. Siblings but not siblings. Growing up on totally seperate coasts, living totally seperate lives, knowing each other only in pictures... if that.

That day came this Christmas. A 2ish year old little boy who bares only a slight resemblance to my children and who's mother bares an eery resemblance to me (based on the 1 photo we've seen). According to D, his son R knows about Emelia and Elijah and has pictures of them in his bedroom. (Where D and his wife H got those pictures is beyond me.)

I think that's just cruel. "... And these are the children daddy used to have but didn't want any more. They live all the way in Virginia and no I'm sorry but they wont come and visit you and no I'm sorry we wont be going to visit them. Good night..." There is no way that a child will not develop fears of his own, whether expressed or unexpressed, that one day daddy will decide that he isn't worth keeping either.

And Emelia and Elijah give little thought to R. Why should they? They have no relationship with R's father or family and haven't since they were very small. Perhaps a certain curiosity will grow when they reach adulthood, but it will never go much below the surface. They will never be able to have the relationship with R that they have with each other and the 3 other siblings that they are growing up with. None of the memories, none of the same loved ones, nothing. They'll have less than Joshua and Luke have with their birth mother's daughter who they at least know in part, although the relationship is very shallow and the experiences very scant.

Such is the consequence of sin. What a travesty.

Thankful Thursday...

My confession is I am forcing myself to do this right now. I have a killer headache and accidentally took my contacts out before finding my glasses so I can't see. I want to just shut this machine down and go to bed. instead...


10. Sarah who hugs my legs and calls "Mommy!!!"
9. My husband. No words describe how precious and invaluable he is to me!
8. My friend Jamie who took Sarah for me and kept her happy when I had my oral surgery last week.
7. Tapioca pudding - my main staple these days although I've graduated to pasta and tender chicken. WHOOT!!!
6. Tylenol with codeine. I have one dose left.
5. Coffee with almond toffee creamer. Mmmm!!!
4. Wednesday night Bible study.
3. My mom. I truly enoy her even if she is a bit maddening sometimes.
2. My Dyson.
1. My new portable dishwasher. THANK YOU JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

These are a few of my favorite things...

Pajama pants. I adore pajama pants! Comfort without the frump!



Pretzels - which sadly I can't really eat these days. I did eat a couple today but it involved more sucking them down to mush than chewing and that is just EW!



Thin mints.... Mmmmm!!!



Candles!



Bubble baths!



Sunshine!



Wild birds - not watching but rather listening.



Clouds on a sunny day.



Photography.



Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeep!!!



Girl time! I don't get this much since there are so few I let into my inner circle but NOTHING beats getting together with my girls and sharing food and life!



Music! Anything my husband is playing or anything I can sing too. Also instrumental piano or acoustic guitar.



My mom. She didn't used to, but I think she "gets" me. Or at least she "gets" me more than she doesn't. I'm so glad she finally was able to see past what I've done to who I am.



My daughters - I absolutely love that my girls each have a sister. I've always longed for that kind of a relationship and I am so thankful they have it.

Root Beer, Dr Pepper, and Sweet Tea.

Back rubs.

Pedicures.

Laughter.

Being in bed with my husband... talking!!!!!!

Short hikes with my kids - I hated hiking until I became a mom of "big" kids.

Riding a bicycle. I really miss having one, but at this point I might as well wait because those baby seats and trailers scare the poo out of me!

Watching my children play in the river or the creek.

My lap top.

My cell phone that lets me check and update Facebook no matter where I roam. LOL!!!

Being away from home with my husband.

School holidays and vacations which allow me to keep my children close.

Miss Not-So Independant...

I've always had a bit of a strong willed/independant streak. I do scary and difficult things really well (most of the time -I'm not saint, I definately have my moments!) and rarely have any trouble doing them alone.

Since being married to my sweet husband I have discovered the joy of depending on someone for moral support. This is not to say that I haven't leaned on others for moral support in the past, but I wasn't dependant on it. If I had to go it alone I moved forward boldly and did not look back.

There have been a few times in my adult life where I have been sick enough to want my Mama. Not that my Mama would have been all that helpful, except for her very presence. One of those times was in 2003 when I miscarried twins and hemhorraged in the process. On my last visit to the ER I was taken by ambulance with a blood pressure of 0. Zip. Zilch. Nothing. Nada. I was conscious enough to track to what was going on around me, but unable to respond. I distinctly remember arriving at the hospital and being told that my husband (ex) was there, as if this should bring me comfort. It didn't. I laid on that stretcher with tears rolling down the sides of my face into my ears, crying out a desperate longing for my Mama who was 1,200 miles away.

Another one of those times when I had my severe kidney infection recently. I was sooo sick and in sooo much pain. My husband's presence was wonderful and he was such a help to me - he completely stepped up to the plate and took over taking care of our household. He nursed me back to health and I can never ever be thankful enough for him. But I still wanted my mommy. I needed that sympathy that only a mother's heart can give. A sympathy that I feel I really suck at providing for my own children.

I was scheduled for oral surgery this past weekend - 8 extractions which would turn into 9. My sweet husband was scheduled to be off and he was going to drive me and take care of our baby while I was in surgery. Less than 24 hours before hand he found out there was a mandatory training thing at work that he HAD to be there for.

To me this was disappointing as I always enjoy his company, but not a problem except for finding someone for Sarah. It just meant I had to have local anesthesia rather than general. But I was totally ok with it. I made arrangements for Sarah and while I worried about her never having been away from BOTH of her parents for that long before she did fine.

As I arrived at the surgeon's office I was totally at ease. I was not anxious in the least, infact I was quite excited and had a spring to my step.

And then they began the shots to numb me. Oh... my... OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

While I don't love needles I am not needle phobic. I've had shots to numb my mouth before. But never to this scale. Never this many, never so deep, never on such a grand scale.

I reacted emotionally BIG TIME. Everything in me began to tense up with each additional shot. I began to panic - which I never do - and lost my ability to relax and calm down between shots. I nearly began to cry, but it wasn't my mommy I wanted to cry for this time.

I needed my friend. My husband, my partner. The one who knows exactly how to difuse me with love, tenderness, and humor. Suddenly I missed him so deserately I felt like a piece of me had been cut off. Perhaps this was God's intention though, because as the tension within me built I finally cried out in my heart "Help me, Jesus!!!".

"Call to Me, and I will answer you..." ~Jeremiah 33:3

Wouldn't you know that as soon as I made that plea, the flood gates opened all manner of precious thoughts and memories came pouring into my mind. I felt all of the tension in my body as I set my mind on the Lord and all the abundant blessings He has brought into my life.

I am no longer the self assured independant girl I once was. My assurance comes from the cross, and I am dependant on the One who gave Himself for me there. I am dependant on the husband he gave me, the husband I am designed to share my cares and worries on.

The Christian marriage is intended to be a picture of our relationship with Christ, our "Heavenly Husband". Just as we should look to the way the Father parents us in deciding how to parent our own offspring, so too should we look for the way the Lord calls us to relate to Him when learning how to live in our marriages with our spouse.

" So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time He will lift you up in honor. Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you." ~ 1 Peter 5:6,7

This is part of the wife's submission in marriage. Don't turn outside of your marriage to have your needs met. Turn to your spouse in humility and submission. Share your worries and your cares with him. Let him know that you need him. Allow him to shelter and protect you. That's what God made him for!

I'm a stalker!

Whenever I order something online I stalk it until it arrives. I visit it on the website I ordered it from and I check the tracking information. Several times a day.

With the weather's recent assurances that spring is INDEED coming and that my children and I will once again be able to explore the beautiful outdoors I went ahead and got a backpack carrier. Now I am impatient for it to arrive! It will benefit me greatly when the kids and I explore the woods behind our house and hike the paths at Alum Springs! I am pretty sure it will become my new diaper bag, going everywhere with me just as my sling did. I'm not ready to pack away the sling just yet - I do still use it. But sadly now that Sarah is getting to be a big girl I use it only occaisionally whereas I used to use it daily.

Is it here yet? Now? How about now? What about now? Argh! I am so impatient!

Oh be careful little ears what you hear...

There's a song we used to sing in Sunday School when I was a little girl... "Be careful little ears what you hear/Be careful little mouth what you say/Be careful little feet where you go... for the Father up above is looking down in love..."

I was subjected to gossip this morning and it has been bothering me all day. I'm sure the people who were part of the conversation thought that the conversation was justified but really none of it needed to be said and only served to make people think badly about 2 women I care deeply for and who I think have a lot to offer. Knowing the women being talked about as I do I know that what they said and/or did was misconstrued and misunderstood. While this wasn't "rumor mill" style gossip (I can honestly say I've not ever witnessed that from this group of people) it was still damaging. There are 2 women who are being judged by a group of people who don't even know them, and likely wont give them a chance.

I am so upset about this! There's nothing I can change about it and I did not participate in the conversation but rather directed my attention else where. But still, maybe I should have spoken up? Maybe by not defending these women and not trying to redirect the conversation I became party to the gossip? Maybe by even listening to the conversation I became party to it?

In all honesty I am not so sure I handled myself correctly. I worry that by keeping silent I betrayed my friends. I am ashamed to say I'm not even sure that given the chance to go back and relive the scenario I would have had the strength and maturity to speak up. I was quietly offended when maybe I should have spoken up for what was right, or at the very least gathered my things and left the room.

This is a perfect example of why I rarely socialize, despite being a very social individual! I don't do shallow relationships because it leads to these kinds of situations and idle talk. I much prefer a deep heart to heart about spiritual things, and life, and love and growth. I want to get below the surface and see your heart. I want real relationships built on faith, trust, honesty, grace and mercy.

Oh if only I could go back and have a redo of this morning!

Allergic to drama..

I hate drama of the non thespian variety. I've had my fair share of it in my own life and there's a certain amount I have no choice but to put up with for several more years to come. My preference though is to stay far far far away from drama.



There are always people who try to pull you into their drama. Either because they need and want your help or because they just want to unload while they lick their wounds.



As a Christian it is hard to know how involved to get when someone unleashes their drama into your world. You have to quietly, carefully, and prayerfully examine their motives. Are they willing to grow and change? Are their hearts soft and teachable? Are they broken, or just hurting? Are they open to accountability? Are you able to meet their needs?



It takes time to evaluate these things. There are two sides to every story and the truth usually lies somewhere in the middle. Sometimes it is difficult to discern whether or not a crisis is truly a crisis and making the wrong move can cause everything to come tumbling down, trapping yourself under the rubble in the process.



So what do you do? You pray. You listen. You measure the situation against what scripture says. You lean not on your own understanding, don't respond on emotion but stand firm in the standard God has set for how we are to live our lives. If the person is not willing to hear that and is not willing to grow, change, and be accountable then you do not allow them to involve you in their drama. Find other things to talk about, but aside from asking them what specific things you can pray for do not listen to their venting. If you can not mentor them point them to someone else who can lead and guide them. You must put boundaries on the relationship while still allowing God to love them through you for as long as they will let you.

Sometimes doing the right thing leads to a severance of the relationship. It is always a sad and painful thing when fellowship is broken. But even if that person writes you off, if they are part of the family of God the relationship, though broken, is still there. Take it to the Lord. Over and over and over again. Never give up, never lose faith.


"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance."

"Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture! But when full understanding comes, these partial things will become useless."

"Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely."

(I Corinthians 13)

My gift is my song...

Hi. My name is Melodie, and I can sing. Like, for real sing. I can carry a tune, sometimes I can even sing in harmony and there are those who find the sound I produce to be beautiful. (For the record, I do not find the sound beautiful.) It's a secret that only a few people know and it's a secret I keep fairly closely guarded.

Sometimes I feel a wee bit convicted about this. The Lord gave me this gift. It's a natural ability as I've not had any formal training. The closest I've ever come was being part of an audition only concert choir at the Christian school I went to growing up. I have rarely used my gift since then.

I sang on a worship team for a short period of time at a church I used to be a member of when we first moved to Virginia. But one of the members who had gotten married and moved away was moving back and the guy who was leading the Worship team wanted to make room for this guy's wife as a vocalist and asked me specifically to step down. I was also asked to present it to the other members of the team as if it was my idea when it very much was not.

I was totally totally crushed. For one thing, there was another member of the team who was both on vocals and instrumentals. Although she had a wonderful voice it did not mesh with the other voices in the group. For another thing, there was yet another member of the team who had specifically asked to step down but they refused to let her. My then husband was still on the team and he soon was having an extramarital affair with this particular woman. They used to stand outside after worship team practice and have heart to heart talks. Infact, it was at worship team practice that they shared their first kiss. Isn't that sweet?! (Gag gag, wretch wretch!) Anyway... for ANOTHER thing, the woman who was replacing me was an alto. I am a soprano. So they went from having 3 altos and 2 sopranos to having 4 altos and 1 soprano... supposedly to make 2 roatating teams. WHATEVAH! Anyway, I took it VERY personally. To this day I take it very personally. Mr. Worship Leader Guy could easily have adjusted the team(s) to make room for this other gal without ejecting any one. The whole experience caused quite a crisis of faith within me and for a long time I didn't sing so much as one single solitary note. Not in church, not at home, not even when I was alone in my car.

I wasn't there to perform. I was there to sing my heart out to the Lord. I was there to worship. Even if my voice wasn't awe inspiring, I can carry a tune and my heart was in the right place.

The church we are members of now doesn't have a worship team. They are fundamnetal and oldfashioned - choir and hymns. I could very easily use my gift to worship the Lord and draw others to Him by doing "special numbers" but I strongly dislike the performance aspect of it. Anytime anyone performs a special at this church it is followed by applause from the congregation. I strongly dislike this.

I sing for an audience of One. I want my singing to draw others close to the Father's heart. I want them to hear the words and not my voice. I want to bring a message. So for now my gift stays hidden, carefully tucked away.

Oh, I pull it out now and then... many a car trip turns into my own personal worship service when I am the driver. Often I will pop in a CD and crank it up, singing along with all that is in me. I completely tune out the 5 smallish passengers behind me. They are probably the only ones who really know what I can do with my voice. A friend of mine once told me to "sing like a diva". I love it. I love music. I love singing. I love singing from my heart to the one who created music and put the Melodie withing me.

My gift is my song... Lord, this one's for You!

Thankful Thursday...

10. I have an appointment with an endodontist tomorrow to decide if my 3 severely decayed bottom molars are salvageable. If they are I will be scheduling an appointment for 3 root canals before going back to my dentist for build ups and crowns.

9. Next Wednesday I am FINALLY getting all the teeth that can't be salvaged pulled. I can not wait!!! Sweet relief cometh!

8. We got snowed in without power on Monday and were rescued, along with another family by friends, we had a wonderful day with these families.

7. My husband did NOT have a stroke. He has been having intermittant numbness one one side of his face and down his left arm. It *could* be TIA's but not likely with the frequency with which they are happening. The doctors have no idea what it is, what is causing it, or how long he will have to live with it. BUT, because of his health risk including family history he was briefly admitted for testing, all of which came back looking really good. MRI was clear, no blockage in the arteries in his neck, heart looks good. He needs to lose weight and get his diabetes and hypertension undercontrol but otherwise it all looked good.

6. Because of number 7 my husband has been forced off work which means we've been seeing quite a bit of him. WHOOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I lubs my husband!!!

5. My grandmothers mistake. She disowned the family and left instructions that we weren't to be contacted upon her death, but then accidentally left several savings bonds, etc to my mom. This money is being used to fix my teeth. Again.. WHOOT!!!!!!!!!!!!

4. We have really good dental insurance!

3. 6 inches of snow closing school for 3 days. WHOOOOO HOOOO HOOOOT!!!!!!!!!!!!

2. Friends with whom you can be so real that when you confront them about their sin they don't turn on you and cut you out of their life.

1. God's grace, mercy, and second chances - my imperfect yet perfectly wonderful marriage.

Poem for my husband.

Two become one
In a peculiar formulary
Defying all that we know to be true
In a world where one and one make two

Yet here we are
Living a true life fantasy
Where I am you and you are me
And one plus one plus one does not make three

There are moments
Where lines are blurred
Reaching across the spanse of time
Unsure which life is yours and which is mine

Thoughts dancing
Mingling together without verbalization
Hearts ever stretching, love ever growing
To a truer, deeper, richer kind of knowing

Open and vulnerable
Naked and unashamed
Souls dancing in this sanctuary
Two and two alone who's hearts did marry

~ Copyright Melodie Claire Miller
March 1, 2008