Miss Not-So Independant...

I've always had a bit of a strong willed/independant streak. I do scary and difficult things really well (most of the time -I'm not saint, I definately have my moments!) and rarely have any trouble doing them alone.

Since being married to my sweet husband I have discovered the joy of depending on someone for moral support. This is not to say that I haven't leaned on others for moral support in the past, but I wasn't dependant on it. If I had to go it alone I moved forward boldly and did not look back.

There have been a few times in my adult life where I have been sick enough to want my Mama. Not that my Mama would have been all that helpful, except for her very presence. One of those times was in 2003 when I miscarried twins and hemhorraged in the process. On my last visit to the ER I was taken by ambulance with a blood pressure of 0. Zip. Zilch. Nothing. Nada. I was conscious enough to track to what was going on around me, but unable to respond. I distinctly remember arriving at the hospital and being told that my husband (ex) was there, as if this should bring me comfort. It didn't. I laid on that stretcher with tears rolling down the sides of my face into my ears, crying out a desperate longing for my Mama who was 1,200 miles away.

Another one of those times when I had my severe kidney infection recently. I was sooo sick and in sooo much pain. My husband's presence was wonderful and he was such a help to me - he completely stepped up to the plate and took over taking care of our household. He nursed me back to health and I can never ever be thankful enough for him. But I still wanted my mommy. I needed that sympathy that only a mother's heart can give. A sympathy that I feel I really suck at providing for my own children.

I was scheduled for oral surgery this past weekend - 8 extractions which would turn into 9. My sweet husband was scheduled to be off and he was going to drive me and take care of our baby while I was in surgery. Less than 24 hours before hand he found out there was a mandatory training thing at work that he HAD to be there for.

To me this was disappointing as I always enjoy his company, but not a problem except for finding someone for Sarah. It just meant I had to have local anesthesia rather than general. But I was totally ok with it. I made arrangements for Sarah and while I worried about her never having been away from BOTH of her parents for that long before she did fine.

As I arrived at the surgeon's office I was totally at ease. I was not anxious in the least, infact I was quite excited and had a spring to my step.

And then they began the shots to numb me. Oh... my... OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

While I don't love needles I am not needle phobic. I've had shots to numb my mouth before. But never to this scale. Never this many, never so deep, never on such a grand scale.

I reacted emotionally BIG TIME. Everything in me began to tense up with each additional shot. I began to panic - which I never do - and lost my ability to relax and calm down between shots. I nearly began to cry, but it wasn't my mommy I wanted to cry for this time.

I needed my friend. My husband, my partner. The one who knows exactly how to difuse me with love, tenderness, and humor. Suddenly I missed him so deserately I felt like a piece of me had been cut off. Perhaps this was God's intention though, because as the tension within me built I finally cried out in my heart "Help me, Jesus!!!".

"Call to Me, and I will answer you..." ~Jeremiah 33:3

Wouldn't you know that as soon as I made that plea, the flood gates opened all manner of precious thoughts and memories came pouring into my mind. I felt all of the tension in my body as I set my mind on the Lord and all the abundant blessings He has brought into my life.

I am no longer the self assured independant girl I once was. My assurance comes from the cross, and I am dependant on the One who gave Himself for me there. I am dependant on the husband he gave me, the husband I am designed to share my cares and worries on.

The Christian marriage is intended to be a picture of our relationship with Christ, our "Heavenly Husband". Just as we should look to the way the Father parents us in deciding how to parent our own offspring, so too should we look for the way the Lord calls us to relate to Him when learning how to live in our marriages with our spouse.

" So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time He will lift you up in honor. Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you." ~ 1 Peter 5:6,7

This is part of the wife's submission in marriage. Don't turn outside of your marriage to have your needs met. Turn to your spouse in humility and submission. Share your worries and your cares with him. Let him know that you need him. Allow him to shelter and protect you. That's what God made him for!