Letter to NILMDTS...

Dear Madame,

I am writing to make a plea on behalf of parents who lose their children in the second trimester, following the loss of my son Caleb in January of this year. Caleb’s loss was an unexpected blow and with him died so many hopes and dreams we had for his life. Caleb was born at 17 weeks and 4 days, and though his body showed the affects of 5 days worth of maceration he was in every way perfect and exquisite.

A dear friend of mine is a photographer and when she asked me what I needed I simply asked her to come to the hospital and take pictures of our son. I knew that her camera and her abilities would leave us with something far better than what my own camera would provide. This has proved to be very true, while the few pictures we took with our point and shoot camera captured my son’s body when he was more fresh from the womb, they are grainy and very poor quality.

I cannot even begin to describe to you what having these pictures has done for me and the gift that I have been given. To have Caleb’s little life so honored and validated helps me tremendously in my grief. In addition these pictures can be used to help other families as they go through their loss and provide awareness of second trimester fetal development. Being able to pull up these pictures and once again see our son’s face, and his amazing little arms, legs, and feet… My heart hurts for moms, dads, siblings, and grandparents who don’t have pictures that show all the wonderful amazing details of their tiny little ones. And that they were indeed here. If I didn’t have these pictures of Caleb I’m sure I would doubt he was more than a dream.

After Caleb was born it was brought to my attention that he and babies like him are not accepted by NILMDTS. I’ve been told that a baby must reach 25 weeks of gestation to be eligible for NILMDTS.

This is a travesty! How is my son’s life… and the lives of others like him… less valuable than that of a baby a few weeks older? Were his hands and feet less precious?! Was he less amazing?! Was he less of a person because he was “only” a second trimester baby?!

I assure you, we mothers and fathers who lose our children in the second trimester grieve just as heavily as those parents who lose older babies. I felt my son move within me. We watched him dance and play on the sonogram. I held his cold little body in my hands, and I kissed his little face. He was perfect, he was ours, and our lives will never again be the same without him here.

Please, please don’t deny other parents the gift I have been given simply because their baby is too young. I beseech you to reconsider this guideline. The life of a 25 week gestation baby is not more valuable than that of a 16 or 17 week gestation baby. They are not loved or missed any more.

Sincerely,
Caleb’s Mommy