Flashback Friday...

Originally posted on my old myspace blog:

Monday, January 12, 2009
The lengths to which a mama will go...

I believe very strongly in setting my children up to succeed. I leave very little room in for failure, making it clear what is expected and what the consequence will be if they do not follow through. Because ADHD is in so many ways the theme of our home our days are built on structure and routine and I work very hard to keep our lives organized. Sometimes this structure resembles obsessive compulsion but it is vital to the success of my family and of my children.

Each child is color coded - socks, water glass, bathroom stuff, school bags, lunch boxes... if everyone has one it's color coded. This avoids me yelling "who's ____ is this???" and hearing a chorus of "not mine". I have even gone to the lengths of buying a small chalkboard/greaseboard easel which sits on my dining room table. I use this to mark who's day it is to do laundry, reminders about stripping beds, etc. Another project I have planned is to create chore "manuals" for each child. I have bought binders, color coded them, and put dividers in for each chore. I have strips of magnet to put on each page so they can check off each step of their chore as they go. I just have to find the time to sit down and write down the step by step instructions for each chore.

Part of setting them up to succeed is creating boundaries - bedding stays on the bed unless it is being washed or they have explicit permission to bring it down stairs. No toys are allowed in the bedrooms except that which they have chosen to be decorative. No books are allowed in the bedroom except their Bible, unless they have been given specific permission to have one up there. Beds are to be made first thing every morning - dress your bed and then dress yourself. Clothing is to go straight into their OWN dirty clothes bag which is to be tied closed and kept on the floor of their closet. They each have their own set laundry day on which they wash, dry, fold, and put away their own laundry. You would think this would mean that things are always neat and tidy upstairs... Hahahahahaaaa... think again. They are children after all and not prone to putting much thought into their actions. We fight the same battles day after day after day... I feel like a broken record and I often despair that they will never "get it". But my job is not to have perfect little children now - my job is to prepare my childen for adult hood. They aren't there yet, I shouldn't expect them to be. Yes, there should be progress, but I also need to remember that it will happen so slowly that I will miss it if I don't actively watch for it.

I have one child in particular who is turning out to be a very late bloomer in the personal responsibility department. His ADHD is so severe that in many ways it is like having a 9 year old toddler. He requires nearly constant adult supervision in order to accomplish anything. Frustratingly, I just don't have that kind of time. It is very likely that he will end up being homeschooled so that I can better work with him on peronal responsibility skills. He is medicated, but we are having a very hard time finding the proper dosage of the proper medication. It helps with his impulse control issues (immensly!!!) but does little to help him focus. It is frustrating for both of us as he moves to comply to directions but quickly get lost, forgetting what he was supposed to be doing. As soon as he is brought back to the present you can see his entire being fall as he realizes that he has failed once again.

Because of this I work to limit his distractions - which in a family of 7 people and 3 animals is not easy. This afternoon I reorganized the playroom putting EVERYTHING except for Sarah's toys behind a closed closet door. I had already moved the toys there but today I removed everything from the book shelf, and moved the bookshelf into the closet. This involved prying a piece of wood off the wall so that I could remove the rod in the closet! I will be buying a padlock for that door so that anyone who wants something in there needs to first get the key from me. I hope that this will help for things to be done at the time they are supposed to instead of people playing or reading when they are supposed to be working!

Hi-ho, Hi-ho... to the Rheumatologist I go...

Day 48: My little bit of happy ~ visiting with my friend Julie!







Today I went North. Because we have Kaiser and the only Rheumatologist available to me is (exactly) 75.2 miles away from my house. That's ok though, it gave me a reason to stop in and see a good friend we don't often have the chance to visit with!



Why did I visit the Rheumatologist, you ask? Because Kaiser denied my referal to the geneticist. Which I am NOT happy about. At all! So my primary care doctor refered me to Rheumatology instead. She did some x-rays and ran more blood work for more auto immune disorders that I have not previously been tested for. I'm praying for a diagnosis, but after 30+ years I'm not holding my breath! Frustratingly, Ehlers-Danlos is not one of the things she is testing me for. At least not right now.









One common misconception about homeschoolers is that they often get out of doing work. Oh contraire mon frere! See, my little chil'ens are hard at work right there in the Rheumatologist's waiting room! There were TVs on and they were having a hard time finding a way to work without too much distraction (both have rampant ADHD, and today was not a great ADHD day... could have been so much worse though!). This was the solution they came up with!

And THIS is how a bored out of her skull active 2 year old entertains herself when her mommy drags her along to the doctor's office!

This is also a good example of why my camera travels with me EVERYWHERE I GO!!!

Seven Quick Takes, vol. 6...

~~1~~
I have put ADHD girl back on her medicine as a trial to see if the school work she produces improves. She goes through life full tilt and doesn't really absorb much of what she sees/reads/experiences. If I don't notice a significant improvement in her school work and interpersonal relationships I will take her off for good. I need to make and appointment for ADHD boy to trial him back on the medication. Same thing applys, if I don't see a significant in daily school performance I will take him off of it.

~~2~~
My washer and dryer were FINALLY delivered today after an entire month of waiting. I'm not exagerating. I placed my order on September 9th. I am now the proud new owner of a BRAND NEW energey efficient washer and dryer. WHOOT WHOOT!!!

~~3~~
Revival has come to Tabernacle. The McGilliard's are preaching each night at our church. I'm not sure I'll make it through the week... more on why that is later on in my post. ;)
http://mcgilliardministries.com/

~~4~~

On Saturday Elijah made the winning play of his game by catching a line drive! It was. So. AWESOME!!!!!!

~~5~~

I feel like crud. And here is why...

Yes, I peed on 3 different sticks. LOL And the test line came up before the control line all three times. I am having serial blood tests done to monitor my HCG and progesterone as I have suffered multiple miscarriages. Prayers are most definately coveted!

~~6~~

One of the great gifts of homeschooling is the ability to train my children (more specifically my daughter) on how to run a home. Emelia has such a servants heart and is such a help to me with Sarah and keeping up on household work.

~~7~~

I desperately want to curl up on the couch or go back to bed, but I'm babysitting. This afternoon when I go into town for my lab work I will be hitting CVS for a new set of Sea Bands!

Seven Quick Takes, volume 5

http://www.conversiondiary.com/2009/09/7-quick-takes-friday-vol-52.html

~~1~~

I am most eager for Saturday to arrive. It is a day to sleep in you say? Well, maybe for those who do not have soccer and baseball games to cheer for. And although I do like my sleep, this is not why I am so excited for Saturday to arrive. You see, this Saturday is October 3. October 3 is the day my new washer and dryer will be delivered. I. Can. Not. Wait!!! Being a family of 7 with no washer and dryer has been... well, challenging. Thanks to wonderful friends I've only had to make 2 laundra mat trips and will probably do one more sometime this week.

~~2~~

Sarah is deeply in the stage of being obsessed with coloring. The problem is, she doesn't quite grasp the whole "we don't color in books, only the paper Mama gave you" concept.

~~3~~

ADHD boy is struggling. Actually, compared to last year he is doing really well. If he maintains the pace he's at now he could easily complete both 4th and 5th grades before the next school year starts. But when it comes to AWANA he struggles. Oddly he did not have this problem in Sparks and I don't hear any complaints about Sunday School. But the leaders he is under in AWANA just do not get him and don't know how to help him. At times I feel like it might be a good idea to pull him out as it isn't fair to him or the other kids, but I know that is not the right answer and would only serve to punish him. I probably need to have a talk with the leaders, but even then I can't make them understand. Also, I always worry that it will be interpreted as making excuses for his behavior or that the individual will then make allowances that should not be made. Rock, meet the hard place.

~~4~~

By the end of this week we should be completely done with the old house. Our former landlord's are being a bit unreasonable about things and expect us to take care of things that are not our responsibility. In an attempt to mirror Christ to them we have gone above and beyond and I am exhausted. I will be so glad to see the start of next week when I wont have any responsibilities outside of my home and family.

~~5~~

I took some HILLARIOUS pictures of Joshua on Saturday using my phone that I am just dying to post, but for some reason I can't seem to get them to upload onto my computer. I'll keep trying. Be on the lookout for a picture editorial of what a lengths a boy will go to in order to achieve the attention of a girl... even if that girl is "just" his mom! It's pretty funny!!!

~~6~~

Life is hard, but God is good. I am currently struggling with the sin of resentment. I am tired of feeling like I am being used and taken advantage of. I feel unappreciated and replacable. I have lost my servant attitude towards my family and I'm not at all happy about it. My attitude, in a word, sucks. The older your children get, the more intensive parenting becomes. Teenagers are HARD WORK and they resist everything you do.

~~7~~

I am trying to find a balance between schooling and housekeeping. It's difficult to get everything done that I must get done when you have children who struggle to work independantly. Add to that a clingy little mama's girl toddler and kids who manage to get by without doing their chores and things fall to the wayside. Right now I am sitting here when I should be keeping Emelia and Elijah on task whilst they do their math work. I have shut Sarah out of the room so that I can copy book report forms and type without having her climbing on me. I have to run out and go pick up some preschool workbooks from a freecycler and I really had hopes of visiting the Opp Shop (second hand store in town that is only open on certain days) and getting my hair cut today. The last 2 activities are not likely to happen. But, it is a beautiful fall day and everyone is healthy. I have a yummy pot roast in the crock pot and hopefully the kids will get their school work done in time to go to practice tonight - one soccer and one baseball, on opposite ends of the county. And the husband is working tonight so I am on my own! Weeeee

Life in the gray area... raising a child with an invisible disability...

I am a very "black and white", "right and wrong" kind of person. In my world things are either right or their not. As a Christian I find little room for gray area in my world. Not to say I don't sometimes do what is wrong, I'm just being honest and saying that sometimes I choose to do the wrong thing anyway. There are of course times when I don't realize the sinfulness of my actions.



This is part of the difficulty of raising children with ADHD. That line is still there, but it is much harder to see. Sometimes we can't see it at all.



You can only discipline/punish a child for those behaviors they have control over. The problem with a child with ADHD is that there are certain behaviors over which they do NOT have control. This lack of control is inmeshed with a sin nature.



Some behaviors are easy to discipline - lying, stealing, acts of agression towards siblings.



Others are not so easy to address. Disobedience is not always willful with the ADHD child. But sometimes it IS, and that is where parenting becomes very very difficult.



A child with ADHD often has no clue what it is that he should be doing. He moves to comply, but never quite makes it. Or in some cases slips into his own universe as soon as he turns away from you, immediately forgetting everything you just said to him.



Most of the time the child with more severe ADHD finds life unbearably overwhelming, and even completing the simplest objective becomes a mountainous obstacle for him. He spends his entire day being directed, redirected, and redirected again. He never accomplishes anything, always falls short of his enormous potential, and never has time to just be a kid. This child's life is full of discouragement, there is too much going on in his head and he has not yet learned to tune that out and focus on the objective in front of him. For a child with true ADHD (and not simply a bad case of negligent parenting) medication will help, but it is not a cureall.



In Elijah's case we have found it to curb his hyperactivity, but does little to nothing to help him focus. Without the medication he is totally nonfunctional - he can not do ANYTHING independantly: feeding, eating, and remembering to use the toilet are all things that elude him without and adults constant reminder that he must do these things. Pile home and school responsibilities, and normal extracurricular on top of him and he very quickly becomes depressed and gives up completely. As the child loses his ability to cope, his negative behaviors increase. He responds before he has a chance to process the experience; either erupting in a volcano of anger or crumbling into a heap of tears and sobs.



We will be homeschooling next year, but we still have 6 weeks to go of this school year. His teachers are being so awesome, supportive, and helpful. But unfortunately nothing will change the fact that there is too much responsibility on his shoulders this year. He has too many people he is answering too, he's being pulled in too many directions.

I think I speak for our entire family when I say we will be sooo relieved when this school year is OVER!!!

Emotions, can you trust them?

My poor Elijah. While there are some aspects to life with ADHD that are fun and exciting, sometimes it is really really hard. My poor boy is struggling and it is affecting him in so many ways. We've been having a very hard time getting a good medication balance for him as it wears off far too soon.

I feel like maybe it would help for him to have a sign floating over his head that says, "Hi! My name is Elijah and I am a great kid with a really tender heart. I have a disability but it's the kind you can't see. Please bear with me... I need patience, grace, and a whole lot of help. I don't cope with situations the same way other kids do. I need to be reminded what my task at hand is and that often times things aren't as big and overwhelming as they feel. I'm having a really rough time right now."

I have this child who is above average in intelligence who currently falls far short of his potential. He beats himself up over it a lot. He comes across as highly unmotivated, but I don't think it is so much that as it is being utterly overwhelmed. Life is just to much for him. To much is expected of him. Other people jump to the wrong conclusions of him and make unfair assumptions without getting to know him and his situation.

I feel like I'm failing him. I feel like no matter what I do it isn't going to be enough. I worry that I am ruining this special boy. I worry that he's never going to develop that self control he needs to not react first, process later. I worry that life is always going to be hard for him. I worry that he is going to be so weighed down with discouragement that he'll never be able to dig himself out from under it.

Life is very very hard for prepubescent boys with ADD or ADHD. And the way the school system is set up will only set them up to fail. If not academically, then certainly mentally and emotionally. And if they are worn out emotionally by their academic world, will there be anything left for them to put in spiritually? What becomes of a boy who is so consumed with feeding, bathing, dressing himself, and homework that there is no time left for fun or spiritual growth?