Flashback Friday...

Originally posted on my old myspace blog:

Monday, January 12, 2009
The lengths to which a mama will go...

I believe very strongly in setting my children up to succeed. I leave very little room in for failure, making it clear what is expected and what the consequence will be if they do not follow through. Because ADHD is in so many ways the theme of our home our days are built on structure and routine and I work very hard to keep our lives organized. Sometimes this structure resembles obsessive compulsion but it is vital to the success of my family and of my children.

Each child is color coded - socks, water glass, bathroom stuff, school bags, lunch boxes... if everyone has one it's color coded. This avoids me yelling "who's ____ is this???" and hearing a chorus of "not mine". I have even gone to the lengths of buying a small chalkboard/greaseboard easel which sits on my dining room table. I use this to mark who's day it is to do laundry, reminders about stripping beds, etc. Another project I have planned is to create chore "manuals" for each child. I have bought binders, color coded them, and put dividers in for each chore. I have strips of magnet to put on each page so they can check off each step of their chore as they go. I just have to find the time to sit down and write down the step by step instructions for each chore.

Part of setting them up to succeed is creating boundaries - bedding stays on the bed unless it is being washed or they have explicit permission to bring it down stairs. No toys are allowed in the bedrooms except that which they have chosen to be decorative. No books are allowed in the bedroom except their Bible, unless they have been given specific permission to have one up there. Beds are to be made first thing every morning - dress your bed and then dress yourself. Clothing is to go straight into their OWN dirty clothes bag which is to be tied closed and kept on the floor of their closet. They each have their own set laundry day on which they wash, dry, fold, and put away their own laundry. You would think this would mean that things are always neat and tidy upstairs... Hahahahahaaaa... think again. They are children after all and not prone to putting much thought into their actions. We fight the same battles day after day after day... I feel like a broken record and I often despair that they will never "get it". But my job is not to have perfect little children now - my job is to prepare my childen for adult hood. They aren't there yet, I shouldn't expect them to be. Yes, there should be progress, but I also need to remember that it will happen so slowly that I will miss it if I don't actively watch for it.

I have one child in particular who is turning out to be a very late bloomer in the personal responsibility department. His ADHD is so severe that in many ways it is like having a 9 year old toddler. He requires nearly constant adult supervision in order to accomplish anything. Frustratingly, I just don't have that kind of time. It is very likely that he will end up being homeschooled so that I can better work with him on peronal responsibility skills. He is medicated, but we are having a very hard time finding the proper dosage of the proper medication. It helps with his impulse control issues (immensly!!!) but does little to help him focus. It is frustrating for both of us as he moves to comply to directions but quickly get lost, forgetting what he was supposed to be doing. As soon as he is brought back to the present you can see his entire being fall as he realizes that he has failed once again.

Because of this I work to limit his distractions - which in a family of 7 people and 3 animals is not easy. This afternoon I reorganized the playroom putting EVERYTHING except for Sarah's toys behind a closed closet door. I had already moved the toys there but today I removed everything from the book shelf, and moved the bookshelf into the closet. This involved prying a piece of wood off the wall so that I could remove the rod in the closet! I will be buying a padlock for that door so that anyone who wants something in there needs to first get the key from me. I hope that this will help for things to be done at the time they are supposed to instead of people playing or reading when they are supposed to be working!