"I fine..."

"Now may our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by His grace gave us eternal comfort and a wonderful hope, comfort you and strengthen you in every good thing you do and say."
~2 Thessaolonians 2:16,17

Day 62: My little bit of happy ~ beautiful weather allowing us to spend time OUTSIDE this afternoon!!!

My little Sarah Hazel-nut is sick. Last night when we got home from my doctor's appointment and running a few errands she popped a fever and became miserable. She was pointing to her face and saying "ow" as well as complaining that her eye hurt. She kept telling me, "I sad, I want my mommy".

There is just something that happens in the heart of a mother when her little one tells her that she is sad! It completely melts you! So I gave her some motrin and stripped her down to just a pull up (cloth of course!) tucked her into my bed next to me where I "sc'atched" (tickled) her back as she quickly drifted off to sleep.

She woke up a few hours later to find me gone. I was sitting here finishing up my blog, but my baby came to me crying. Once again her skin felt warm and she snuggled into my chest saying, "I need you..."

So I quickly finished up my blog entry and hit publish, leaving the proof reading for another day when my baby's need for my attention wasn't so immediate. I closed my laptop, gathered my feverish little girl in my arms, and carried her off to bed.

Crawling into bed together she burried herself under my covers and nestled herself up against me in a way that would provide her as much skin on skin contact as I am willing to allow. And then she looked me in the eyes with the happiest smile and said, "I fine."

And I melted all over again. Such a simple act was all it took to solve all of her problems. No longer did it matter to her that her that her body was fevered, her nose stuffy, and her lungs irritated. No longer did she care that her body ached. She was snuggled up in her mama's arms and that made EVERYTHING ok. She was fine.

My mind of course had to travel to my sweet Caleb. The now familiar pang of awareness that I will never offer him the same comfort. He will never again find comfort and security in my body and my presence.

While I mourn that, I realize that it is something I am only mourning for myself.

Because really... if something so simple as being wrapped up in her mother's embrace solved all of Sarah's problems and brought her absolute comfort and security, what must it be like for Caleb who is in the embrace of his Heavenly Father?

I can not compete with that. I can never out love God. I can never care for my son more, or hold him closer. Caleb is missing nothing, and I am missing everything.

I can almost picture him, looking into the sweet face of Jesus and whispering to Him in the dark with a soft sweet baby voice...

"I fine!"