Emotions, can you trust them?

My poor Elijah. While there are some aspects to life with ADHD that are fun and exciting, sometimes it is really really hard. My poor boy is struggling and it is affecting him in so many ways. We've been having a very hard time getting a good medication balance for him as it wears off far too soon.

I feel like maybe it would help for him to have a sign floating over his head that says, "Hi! My name is Elijah and I am a great kid with a really tender heart. I have a disability but it's the kind you can't see. Please bear with me... I need patience, grace, and a whole lot of help. I don't cope with situations the same way other kids do. I need to be reminded what my task at hand is and that often times things aren't as big and overwhelming as they feel. I'm having a really rough time right now."

I have this child who is above average in intelligence who currently falls far short of his potential. He beats himself up over it a lot. He comes across as highly unmotivated, but I don't think it is so much that as it is being utterly overwhelmed. Life is just to much for him. To much is expected of him. Other people jump to the wrong conclusions of him and make unfair assumptions without getting to know him and his situation.

I feel like I'm failing him. I feel like no matter what I do it isn't going to be enough. I worry that I am ruining this special boy. I worry that he's never going to develop that self control he needs to not react first, process later. I worry that life is always going to be hard for him. I worry that he is going to be so weighed down with discouragement that he'll never be able to dig himself out from under it.

Life is very very hard for prepubescent boys with ADD or ADHD. And the way the school system is set up will only set them up to fail. If not academically, then certainly mentally and emotionally. And if they are worn out emotionally by their academic world, will there be anything left for them to put in spiritually? What becomes of a boy who is so consumed with feeding, bathing, dressing himself, and homework that there is no time left for fun or spiritual growth?

Thankful Thursday...

10. Ibuprofen. I have an absessed tooth (read swollen and infected jaw) and can't get in to see my dentist until next week.

9. My phone which allows me to keep track of Facebook even when life gets so "lifey" that I can't keep up with much else online.

8. Sarah's emerging sense of humor.

7. Luke's somewhat improved attitude and approach to life. There may be hope for him yet!

6. Elijah's psychiatrist who will hopefully help us to help him.

5. Emelia's sweet and tender heart. And the fact that she has her own room, a place we can send her when she's too hormonal to cohabitate with the rest of us.

4. Joshua's ability to take correction and apply it to his life.

3. My Super Hubbie who taught/is teaching me how to cook.

2. My new coffe cup - it's cute and it's BIG!

1. Tomorrow is pay day! LOL

Birthday Uncelebrated...

Today is the anniversary of what ranks up there with the most traumatic events in my life. The death and birth of my brother, all in the same day. Lost to us while still in the safety of our mother's womb. Born into the world many many months before his expected time.

Notice I said expected time. He lived, died, and was born in his appointed time. God's ways are not ours to understand. He doesn't expect us to like it, He doesn't expect us to understand it. He only asks that we look to Him, to lean on Him, and to trust in Him through the pain.

There was a plan and a purose for Isaiah's life. A plan and a purpose which God authored and numbered before even one day of his life came to be.

God knew that my parents would hold their sweet son in their arms when he was no more than a handful. God knew that Isaiah's eyes would be forever shut to this world, seeing none of it's beauty nor the terrible things in it. God knew just the people our family would need to be surrounded by to carry us through such a heart breaking time. He knew the repercussions of taking one so young from us. He knew the toll it would take on our family. God knew all of this from the very outset of time. He took this sorrow onto Himself as His own Son hung on the cross. He weeps and He grieves for our pain, but He knew that He would work it for good.

We only had to trust, cling, and obey.

1986 was a long long time ago. 22 years have come and gone. Isaiah's body has returned to dust just as we all will. But his soul... his soul is eternal. Isaiah has known nothing but the comfort of his mother's heartbeat and the loving face of God. All he has ever known is the love of his mother and worship in the throne room of Heaven. He has known no pain, only Glory.

I don't know what God's plan was for Isaiah's life. I don't even know if that plan has been fully fulfilled. I do know that God was not cruel to take him from us. I do know that my life, my understanding and view of the world is better because of my tiny brother. I know that I know God better because of Isaiah. I know that I cherish my children more than I would if I had not known him.

All this from a little boy who never smiled, never laughed, never dug in the mud or fought with his brothers or teased his sister. A little boy who never went to church, never sat in a single classroom. A little boy never said Mama or shouted "NO!" in defiance. He never stole, never lied, never disobeyed. Born in sin, affected by sin, but never commited a single sinful act.

I love you Isaiah Seth. Your death brought me much sorrow, but your eternal life brings me so much comfort and joy - especially now that my own sweet babies have joined you in the Father's presence. I never knew you, but still I miss you and look forward to the day when I will see you again and finally meet you face to face.

~ Isaiah Seth Wilson~
February 13, 1986

Thankful Thursday!

10. Fruit by the Foot... What?!
9. My Todd Agnew CD.
8. Facebook.
I'm sorry myspace, it's not you... it's me.
Ok, maybe it's you a little bit.
7. The marriage conference at church this weekend and the wonderful husband who purposefully and without my asking got the weekend off so we could go and signed us up for the Valentine's Dinner. *beams*
6. My full quiver - I hope God adds to it soon!
5. Josiah will be getting back on his ship and heading back to the states soon!
4. Did I mention Fruit by the Foot? I really really like stuff like that. Gushers too, but I don't have any of those.
3. Steaming hot baths.
2. Solitaire.
1. Isaiah Seth Wilson - such a short life, but it made such a huge impact on mine.

Where did all my time go?!

I'm sure my regular readers (all 2 of you! LOL) have noticed that I've not blogged since Thursday. There are many reasons for this but it can easily be summarized in one little statement...

My husband and I have 5 children.

The sad thing is that as much as has happened in my world between Thursday and Tuesday I have to rack my brain to figure out what it was. Once upon a time ago in a land in which I had no children I had a marvelous memory. I remembered everything in minute detail. Now I can't even remember if I brushed my teeth or had anything to eat.

Perhaps it is number of people I have counting on me to keep their lives afloat - keeping track of all the whos, the whens, the wheres, and the whats - it's a wonder I keep track of my wallet and car keys and leave the house with matching shoes! It could be that ADD gene resonating through me with the ever increasing vibrato of a badly out of tune harpsicord.

Or maybe I am just getting old. All I know is I have to use a pill dispender for my daily vitamins and supplements because it's the only way I know for sure if I've taken them or not.

Pathetic, I know.

Friday, Friday, Friday... what happened on Friday? Oh yes, the children had a day off of school for teacher work day. One thing you should know about me is that I live for school holidays. I abhor sending my children off to school. As much as they can stress me out, sending them out to be schooled by others goes against the grain of who I am, but that's another blog entry.

Let's see... where was I?

Oh yes, Friday. Being that school was not in session (insert cheers and applause here...) and the Super Hubbie had the day off (insert noise makers and confetti here...) we decided to have lunch out as a family and grab dinner at our favorite Buffet in Fredericksburg. No matter how much I rack my brain I can't seem to remember what else we did after that, only that were late getting back into town and therefor late to Awana's.

Saturday was a very fun and exciting day. Super Hubbie got up and dropped the younger two big kids off at church so they could ride in the church van to Richmond for the Awana's Bible Quiz. The van desperately needed a new tire before I could drive down there so Super Hubbie let me sleep and took my van to get a new tire and also made sure I had enough oil and water. After that he took the kids Little League registeration papers, which I had filled out the night before, along with their birth certificate and proof of residency and got all four of them registered for Spring Baseball and Softball. We will likely have four kids on four different teams again this year but that is also another blog. After that we loaded up the rest of the family in 2 cars (just in case the van didn't make it) and headed down to Richmond to watch all 4 of our big kids compete in the Awana's Bible Quiz. They did really well and I for one thoroughly enjoyed the day. This was Joshua and Luke's third year competeing but our first year going down to watch and now I really wish I'd been there for the other years.

Sunday brought as much sorrow and Saturday brought joy. Super Hubbie got the big kids up and ready for church and took them early for breakfast. I stayed behind waiting for hot water so I could take a shower, planning to follow shortly behind them in time for Sunday School. Just minutes later I hear Super Hubbie coming in with them and I hear gut wrenching wails. My initial assumption was that the kids had been fighting and hurt each other and then got in trouble. I wish I had been correct. As they all came up the stairs to where I was sitting on my bed watching Sarah play happily I never imagined the news they would bring. Super Hubbie came in followed by all four children. All four were sobbing as if their very world had been knocked off it's axis.

You see, we live on a farm and have a very long driveway. We got our dog Penny when she was just a baby, and she was near death when we got her. I nursed her back to health and she thrived. She had some habits which were a terrible nuisance (she chewed up our things, and stole our socks, rags, etc. and drug them out into the yard. She was also terribly disobedient) but she was such a sweetie. She loved us, she loved life, she loved living here, and she was so so so good with Sarah. So gentle and patient and so very very sweet. Anyway, she had free reign over the yard because she never left. The closest she ever came to leaving was following us down the driveway and watching us leave from the end of the driveway and then trotting home where she would wait for our return from the front porch. On this particular morning however she ran in front of the car. She was dead before they even got out of the vehicle. As you can imagine my children and their father are extremely traumatized by this experience - especially my precious husband, my gentle warrior with the tender heart.

One good thing happened on Sunday night though... I tried my hand at home made pizza, including making the crust from scratch. It turned out soooo yummy!!! I can't wait to make it again!

Monday brought much business. Super Hubbie had a doctors appointment after work so he didn't come home until later in the day, providing me with an oppurtunity to clean our bedroom. I'm not sure if many people can relate, but it is nearly impossible to clean that room as there is always someone sleeping in there. Super Hubbie works the night shift so he is sleeping in there during the day. Sarah still sleeps in our room so she and I are sleeping in there at night. The evening hours between Super Hubbie getting up and Sarah going to bed are such a whirlwind of busyness that I don't have time to be holed away upstairs cleaning up my bedroom. And by the time things slow down I am exhausted and want nothing more than to collapse! Needless to say I was (am!) very pleased with my accomplishments and am relishing in my clean bedroom.

This brings us to today - Tuesday. What a beautiful beautiful day!!! It was warm enough to be outside without bundling up so I got the Hazel-nut dressed, put on her socks and shoes and took her outside to play while I cleaned our enclosed front porch. I am so ashamed of how filthy the porch gets during the cold months, but it is simply TOO COLD to be outside for any longer than it takes to move from house to vehicle or vehicle to house. Once I had gathered the kiddos from their respective schools I had them help me clean most of the trash and toys out of the yard. I'm hoping tomorrow will be another warm day so we can get any remaining errant toys or trash up so that we can start focusing on cleaning up the flower beds in preparation for spring.

I'm toying with the idea of trying a veggie garden again this year, but only if I can get a few others families to go in together to form a garden co-op. I really really hope so! Not only would it provide delicious fresh vegetables and melons, but many oppurtunities for fellowship as well as a special way to minister to those in need.

Looking foward to the first signs of spring...
~ Melodie

Thankful Thursday...

10. Decaf White Mocha from Starbucks. Mmmm...

9. The effects of motrin on a miserable teething baby.

8. Gel pens that write smoothly and have nice thick bold colors.

7. My internet friend Bethany. I want to hang out with her soooo bad.

6. Finally finding Fireproof at the Red Box by us.

5. Making a trip to Costco alone. Blissfully and utterly alone.

4. Elijah's teachers who are patient, gracious, and understanding.

3. The gigantic box of Dr. Pepper I bought at Costco today.

2. I only had to drive the boys to school once this week.

1. Going to Costco alone meant I could pop a worship CD into my CD player and crank it up, having my own personal worship time with my Heavenly Father without anyone interupting me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My kids, tagged...

In a blog I've been following another Mama wrote 25 Random Things about her child as if her child had written it - Facebook style. If you are reading this, consider yourself tagged!





Joshua
1. My full name is Joshua Lee. Most people call me Josh. My mom almost never does. She calls me Joshua or "J".
2. I was born with a pretty intense birth defect - a cleft lip and palate.
3. My lip was repaired when I was 9 months old and I will have one more operation to repair it. My parents are respecting my preference to not repair my palate.
4. I have a hole under my lip that goes into my nose. I call it my 3rd nostril and I get great pleasure from grossing people out by putting things through it so that they go through my nose and mouth.
5. I haven't lived with or legally been alone with my birth mother since I was 14 months old.
6. My mom is technically my step mom. God gave her to me when I was 9.
7. My mom frustrates me sometimes but I love her a lot. She "gets" me.
8. Of all of my siblings I am the one most like my mom. Which is funny considering she didn't give birth to me and I've only known her for 4.5 years.
9. When I was little the doctors weren't sure if I would ever be able to talk. My parents can't get me to shut up.
10. I really really like myself.
11. I am a total science dweeb. I love science.
12. If I happen to see a clock at 3:14 I will announce to everyone that it is "Pi time" and start dancing and singing my little Pi song.
13. My family calls me Dr. Dolittle because of my natural and nurting way with animals.
14. I am in love with food and eat constantly, yet I am pencil thin.
15. My mom is pretty sure I have ADD, but since I don't have any troubles with school I've never been evaluated.
16. My dad is my very favorite person on the whole wide planet. He is my hero.
17. My little brother is significantly bigger than me and has been since we were about 4 and 5 years old.
18. I loooove riding my bike.
19. And climbing trees.
20. And exploring the woods behind our house.
21. And origami.
22. And paper airplanes.
23. And torturing my siblings.
24. I am my mom and dad's "go to kid". If they need something done they can count on me to take care of it. And 9 times out of 10 I do it with a good attitude.
25. I have a very open relationship with my parent and can talk to them about anything.


Luke
1. My parents call me "Reverend Luke" because of my vast Bible knowledge and understanding.
2. They also call me Loogle because I remember everything I read, making me a fountain of useless knowledge.
3. My middle name is Aaron because my dad and birth mom didn't know if my older brother would ever be able to talk. Aaron was God's appointed spokesperson for his brother Moses.
4. I almost died when I was 6 weeks old because my birth mom left me on the couch with a bottle propped in my mouth and went into her bedroom, closed the door and took a nap.
5. My dad came home from work on his lunch break and found me blue and unresponsive on the couch.
6. The entire time the paramedics worked on me she never came out of the bedroom.
7. I haven't legally been alone with her since.
8. To this day she claims my dad made it up. The doctor at the emergency room is the one who contacted CPS because of lab results.
9. When I was 2 and my brother was 3 my birth mom kidnapped us and disappeared with us and our (infant) half sister. She died our hair brown and shaved our heads.
10. We were missing for 28 days before we were found and returned to our dad.
11. I am like the absent minded professor - really really intelligent but struggle with normal day to day stuff.
12. The first thing I used to tell people when I met them was "I don't have a mom."
13. I finally got a mom when I was 8.
14. When my dad married my mom I went from being the baby to having 2 younger siblings.
15. I adore my dad.
16. I have a rediculously high reading level.
17. I am afraid of heights.
18. I love to cook.
19. I am a major history geek.
20. I love baseball and got to play as a pitcher last year.
21. I have a depth and wisdom beyond my years which makes up for my severe immaturity in other areas.
22. After my dad, my Papaw and Grandpa Wilson are probably my 2 favorite people ever.
23. I have a very vivid imagination.
24. And a very giving heart.
25. One of my best character qualities is that I rarely ever complain about anything.



Emelia
1. Can talk like nobodies business.
2. No seriously, you should hear me.
3. I am incredibly forgiving.
4. I was born 5 weeks early - my mom's labor was induced because if it hadn't been I probably would have been stillborn.
5. I prayed for a baby sister for 6 years before I finally got her.
6. I last saw my biological father the first weekend of December 2003.
7. On my 7th birthday he asked my mom what it would take for my new dad to adopt me because he was tired of her insisting that he pay child support and invest himself relationally.
8. My new daddy is my hero. Seriously.
9. I was born with 2 holes in my heart - a PDA which resolved itself and a VSD which is still there and probably always will be. It doesn't affect me in any way.
10. When I was little I was so obsessed with things being with their mommies that I asked my mom where the sun's mommy was.
11. My very best friend is 3 days younger than me. We have been friends since we were 6 months old.
12. I have another very special friend who I haven't seen or spoken to in over 3 years. I miss him incredibly and sometimes it makes me cry.
13. I have an incredible long term memory, just like my mom.
14. I am an incredibly good friend. I am not unkind to those who treat me badly and I reach out to those that others would reject.
15. An exception to the whole not being unkind thing would be my brothers on occaision.
16. I love to annoy my brothers.
17. I have a beautiful singing voice.
18. I was held back in first grade because I would not learn how to read (thank you ADHD). Once I discovered books were like movies I took off with it and haven't stopped since. My mom and dad can't supply books for me fast enough and I read at a post high school level.
19. I really want to be homeschooled
20. I love to draw, and have some natural talent.
21. I have a servant's heart.
22. I loooove math.
23. I am extremely affectionate.
24. I yell at and argue with my brothers in my sleep.
25. I adore my Uncle Josiah.


Elijah
1. I was God's special gift to my sister - He knew she needed a friend!
2. My life is very difficult because of my ADHD.
3. I am medicated which helps with the impulse control issues, but we haven't been able to hit the focus issues.
4. I get really frustrated because I don't meet others expectations.
5. Or my own.
6. I looove my Grandma.
7. I have only a couple memories of my biological father - he walked out on his before I was two, and then was with us again for a year before he disappeared from my life for good when I was 3.
8. The pain that he caused me was deep and permanent.
9. I want to learn to cook.
10. I am crazy smart. I memorized most of the table of elements last summer when I was 8.
11. I can assemble and built things with ease, mostly by looking at the picture.
12. When I actually manage to complete a task I do a phenomenal job - I am very detail oriented and I clean things far better than anyone else does.
13. I usually have several things going on in my head at one time. For instane, if I am drawing a picture I am creating a whole story in my head.
14. I pretty much taught myself how to read.
15. I am 8 years older than my baby sister and I am her favorite brother.
16. My brother Josh is my best friend.
17. I have a GREAT sense of humor.
18. When I was 3 years old and my ADHD was begining to emerge I wandered away from a play area in the split second it took my mom to turn and check on my sister. I didn't even realize I had gone anywhere, but my mom was certain her life was over until she finally found me.
19. I love showing love to others.
20. I want to learn how to cook.
21. I love playing baseball.
22. I am obsessed with Star Wars, Transformers, and Solitaire.
23. Most people who don't know me well think I am wild and out of control. I am, but there is a reason for it. I need your help to develop self control of my own, I'm not choosing to misbehave.
24. It took me a long time to bond with my new dad, but now while I still prefer my mom sometimes I love doing guy stuff with my dad and brothers.
25. When I grow up I want to help people, like my dad does.

Sarah
1. My mom had 4 miscarriages between me and my next older brother.
2. I am a clomid baby.
3. My mom took baby aspirin and extra folic acid every day in order to help keep me alive when I was still inside her.
4. I am a miracle and my mom and dad still can't believe they have me and get to keep me!
5. I could not possibly look any more like my daddy, even if I was a boy.
6. At my 20 week sonogram they told my mom that I was a boy. For 10 weeks they called me Caleb.
7. I still don't sleep through the night by most peoples standards. I come close when I'm not sick and teething - sleeping from 8 or 9 until 3 then nursing at 3, 4, and 6. 5 hours is technically considered sleeping through the night.
8. I am incredibly verbal. Have you met my sister?! And my mom?! Then you know where I get it from.
9. I loooove books!!!
10. I can say about 5 or 6 things in sign language.
11. I am an incredibly easy going baby.
12. I am incredibly easy going because I am extremely intelligent. This means I'm going to be a hanful or two during my toddler and preschool years!
13. I loooove animals, just like my big brother Josh.
14. After mama and daddy my favorite person is my big sister.
15. I have never had a bottle.
16. I am incredibly spoiled. My mom loves buying me things to play with.
17. My mom and dad do not believe in letting me "cry it out". I sleep close to them and when I'm ready I'll move in with my sister.
18. My sister has a queen bed to share with me but she's such a wild sleeper that my mom is thinking about getting rid of it and getting bunk beds for our room.
19. When I try to sleep in my own room my sister wakes me up with all her thrashing around and talking in her sleep.
20. I sucked my thumb in the delivery room. I used a pacifier occaisinally in the first 2 months but when I found my thumb again I refused the pacifier. When I realized that I could just wait patiently and nurse I ditched my thumb too.
21. I am almost 13 months old and just finally topped 18lbs.
22. I still haven't gotten a birthday cake because of all the illness that's been going on in our house.
23. My cousin Ian is 9 months younger than me.
24. I am obsessed with telephones.
25. I will never get to meet my dad's parents - both died years before I was born.-

Do you take your lunch, or go by bus?

Can't you just hear it now...

"Let me guess... you put

your lunch bag

away and

SOMEONE

went and got it out.

JUST to get you in trouble???!!!"

"Well, um... actually... yeah..."

I have a sneaking suspicion I need to find a new home for those lunch bags!

Where are MY servant girls?!

I was reading Proverbs 31 last night (also known as the chapter in the Bible few women can ever possibly live up too) when something jumped out at me.

"She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household and plan the day's work for her servant girls." (v.15)

You know, I could be a pretty rockin' wife and mother if I had servant girls! Where do I sign up?!

Now, a silly song... paraphrased...

Stop, stop, stop!

Everyone does NOT have servant girls.

We're going to get nasty letters from people saying,

"Where's MY servant girl?!"

"Why don't *I* have a servant girl?!"

And are you prepared to deal with that???!!!

I DON'T THINK SO!!!

Just STOP. Being. SO. SILLY!!!!!!