Birthday Uncelebrated...

Today is the anniversary of what ranks up there with the most traumatic events in my life. The death and birth of my brother, all in the same day. Lost to us while still in the safety of our mother's womb. Born into the world many many months before his expected time.

Notice I said expected time. He lived, died, and was born in his appointed time. God's ways are not ours to understand. He doesn't expect us to like it, He doesn't expect us to understand it. He only asks that we look to Him, to lean on Him, and to trust in Him through the pain.

There was a plan and a purose for Isaiah's life. A plan and a purpose which God authored and numbered before even one day of his life came to be.

God knew that my parents would hold their sweet son in their arms when he was no more than a handful. God knew that Isaiah's eyes would be forever shut to this world, seeing none of it's beauty nor the terrible things in it. God knew just the people our family would need to be surrounded by to carry us through such a heart breaking time. He knew the repercussions of taking one so young from us. He knew the toll it would take on our family. God knew all of this from the very outset of time. He took this sorrow onto Himself as His own Son hung on the cross. He weeps and He grieves for our pain, but He knew that He would work it for good.

We only had to trust, cling, and obey.

1986 was a long long time ago. 22 years have come and gone. Isaiah's body has returned to dust just as we all will. But his soul... his soul is eternal. Isaiah has known nothing but the comfort of his mother's heartbeat and the loving face of God. All he has ever known is the love of his mother and worship in the throne room of Heaven. He has known no pain, only Glory.

I don't know what God's plan was for Isaiah's life. I don't even know if that plan has been fully fulfilled. I do know that God was not cruel to take him from us. I do know that my life, my understanding and view of the world is better because of my tiny brother. I know that I know God better because of Isaiah. I know that I cherish my children more than I would if I had not known him.

All this from a little boy who never smiled, never laughed, never dug in the mud or fought with his brothers or teased his sister. A little boy who never went to church, never sat in a single classroom. A little boy never said Mama or shouted "NO!" in defiance. He never stole, never lied, never disobeyed. Born in sin, affected by sin, but never commited a single sinful act.

I love you Isaiah Seth. Your death brought me much sorrow, but your eternal life brings me so much comfort and joy - especially now that my own sweet babies have joined you in the Father's presence. I never knew you, but still I miss you and look forward to the day when I will see you again and finally meet you face to face.

~ Isaiah Seth Wilson~
February 13, 1986