My gift is my song...

Hi. My name is Melodie, and I can sing. Like, for real sing. I can carry a tune, sometimes I can even sing in harmony and there are those who find the sound I produce to be beautiful. (For the record, I do not find the sound beautiful.) It's a secret that only a few people know and it's a secret I keep fairly closely guarded.

Sometimes I feel a wee bit convicted about this. The Lord gave me this gift. It's a natural ability as I've not had any formal training. The closest I've ever come was being part of an audition only concert choir at the Christian school I went to growing up. I have rarely used my gift since then.

I sang on a worship team for a short period of time at a church I used to be a member of when we first moved to Virginia. But one of the members who had gotten married and moved away was moving back and the guy who was leading the Worship team wanted to make room for this guy's wife as a vocalist and asked me specifically to step down. I was also asked to present it to the other members of the team as if it was my idea when it very much was not.

I was totally totally crushed. For one thing, there was another member of the team who was both on vocals and instrumentals. Although she had a wonderful voice it did not mesh with the other voices in the group. For another thing, there was yet another member of the team who had specifically asked to step down but they refused to let her. My then husband was still on the team and he soon was having an extramarital affair with this particular woman. They used to stand outside after worship team practice and have heart to heart talks. Infact, it was at worship team practice that they shared their first kiss. Isn't that sweet?! (Gag gag, wretch wretch!) Anyway... for ANOTHER thing, the woman who was replacing me was an alto. I am a soprano. So they went from having 3 altos and 2 sopranos to having 4 altos and 1 soprano... supposedly to make 2 roatating teams. WHATEVAH! Anyway, I took it VERY personally. To this day I take it very personally. Mr. Worship Leader Guy could easily have adjusted the team(s) to make room for this other gal without ejecting any one. The whole experience caused quite a crisis of faith within me and for a long time I didn't sing so much as one single solitary note. Not in church, not at home, not even when I was alone in my car.

I wasn't there to perform. I was there to sing my heart out to the Lord. I was there to worship. Even if my voice wasn't awe inspiring, I can carry a tune and my heart was in the right place.

The church we are members of now doesn't have a worship team. They are fundamnetal and oldfashioned - choir and hymns. I could very easily use my gift to worship the Lord and draw others to Him by doing "special numbers" but I strongly dislike the performance aspect of it. Anytime anyone performs a special at this church it is followed by applause from the congregation. I strongly dislike this.

I sing for an audience of One. I want my singing to draw others close to the Father's heart. I want them to hear the words and not my voice. I want to bring a message. So for now my gift stays hidden, carefully tucked away.

Oh, I pull it out now and then... many a car trip turns into my own personal worship service when I am the driver. Often I will pop in a CD and crank it up, singing along with all that is in me. I completely tune out the 5 smallish passengers behind me. They are probably the only ones who really know what I can do with my voice. A friend of mine once told me to "sing like a diva". I love it. I love music. I love singing. I love singing from my heart to the one who created music and put the Melodie withing me.

My gift is my song... Lord, this one's for You!