Temple of grief...

Day 13: My little bit of happy - Sara Groves song "Add To The Beauty"

"Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body."

~ 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Warning! I'm taking another verse out of context! The context of these verses in respect of sexual sin. However, whether we are talking about sexuality or other aspects of caring and respecting our body, nothing changes the fact that our bodies ARE temples of the Holy Spirit.

When you are going through deep mourning it is hard to force yourself to do the normal every day aspects of caring for yourself. In the strongest of ways you want to check out of life. Your bed becomes you very best friend, a cozy companion you never want to leave. You want to pull the covers over your head and go back to sleep. How much easier it would be to just avoid life, avoid the hurt, avoid the pain.

Each morning I have to force myself to get up and parent my children. I make myself bathe, dress in "real" clothes, and blow dry my hair.

However it has been 2 full weeks since I've applied a speck of make up. There is no point, my grief is too strong. I'll just cry it off again.

I am a temple, but right now I am a temple of grief.

I cry while I'm driving, for there is space and time for my mind to wander over the events of these last two weeks.

I cry when I'm praying. I cry when I'm listening to music. I cry over Facebook. I cry reading about second trimester pregnancy loss and it's causes. I cry when I think of all that almost was. I cry when the urge to touch the little boy I was forced to bury rather than nurse becomes almost more than I can bare. Sometimes I cry when I blog.

Sometimes I don't cry. Sometimes I laugh and smile. But even then, in the recesses of my heart there is a somberness. I am a temple of grief.