Dishonest estimates...

"Because of the privilege and authority God has given me, I give each of you this warning: Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us. Just as our bodies have many parts and each part has a special function, so it is with Christ’s body. We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other." ~ Romans 12:3-5

Just a little warning, I'm about to use this passage out of context a little bit. However I do not think I am changing the meaning.

This passage is talking about not thinking we are more holy than we really are. However, I propose that it works the other way as well. Sometimes we focus too far the other way. We see all that is bad and sinful within us and we think "how can God possibly use me?!"

This morning as I was sitting in church I was watching one of the other mothers. She had 3 of her 5 children with her in service. This is a woman who I greatly admire and would like to know better. She always seems totally calm and "with it". Even when life has been hard (and lately life has indeed been hard for her) she seems at peace, unruffled. Her children are always happy and joyful and show a great deal of interest in those around them and treat others with respect.

As I sat there admiring the way this woman was with her children, and the way her children were so obviously enjoying each other I was tempted to be envious. Much the way I feel a bit envious of Michelle Duggar when I watch the show 18 Kids and Counting.

Does she ever lose it? Does she ever have it up to "here" after giving the same instruction too the same child for the 5th time? Does she ever feel like running away from home because no matter how many times she sets her children up to suceed they continue to refuse to follow the rules and guidelines she has set out for them? Does she ever cry and yell out of frustration she feels over being disrespected?

And that's when it hit me.

From the outside looking in we can all appear to be the perfect Proverbs 31 woman. Anyone who didn't look to closely at me might come to the wrong conclusion that I have it all together. Reality is I know what it takes to make this home run successfully. The problem is that there are 6 other independant human beings with their own sinful wills and priorities.

I can go to church and put on the perfect mom face. And... monkey see, monkey do. My kids are also going to put on the "perfect Christian" face. When we are around others we all play the part. The break from reality leaves us feeling relaxed and happy. We smile, laugh, and treat each other with respect. We do it as naturally as breathing. And then we get in our cars and drive home feeling like we can never measure up to so and so.

The grass is always greener in other families. Other wives are prettier. Better house keepers. Wiser disciplinarians. Everyone else is always more.

"What sorrow for those who are wise in their own eye and think themselves so clever." ~ Isaiah 5:21

Seriously guys. I'll be the first person to admit that I fail my family. Big time. I have sin issues. I yell. I use words I should not use. All the time. I am severly lacking in patience and grace.

But that is not all there is to me. If that is all I see myself as then I am NOT being honest in my estimation of myself. There is so much more to me than that and I sin AGAIN by judging myself by only that. Especially when God came so far and gave so much to cover my short comings.

The bottom line is this: at the end of the day, the people I love are crazy about me. And they love me enough to look past my rough edges. They might behave disrespectfully, but they are "but dust". They are sinners just like me.

Why should I expect more of them than I do of myself? And why do I insist on beating myself up? Why do I persist in wallowing in the muck which is the lies Satan has sold me?

Honest in my estimation of myself: I am a sinner, covered in the blood of THE Sacrificial Lamb. I am a faithful and playful lover and companion to my husband. I am an excellent home organizer, and my family's behaviors do not change that. I am an active and involved parent. I care deeply and invest myself completely in my children's lives - physical, spiritual, and emotional. Some people have much bigger problems than to have to be subjected to my sin issues on a daily basis.

Back to my friend at church. She claims that she yells at her kids just like the rest of us. I can't imagine it. Really, I can't! But maybe, just maybe, behind closed door she fails just like me. And maybe, just maybe, I'm as good of a mom as she is.